The Hole in Our Armor
The last time that I wrote, I talked about the call of
Joshua the High Priest at the reinstitution of the Temple sacrifice system
after returning from the exile. We are told that Joshua was standing before the
Lord in filthy clothes and that Satan was right there to accuse and condemn
him. But, before he was able to get a word out, we hear the Lord say, “The Lord
rebuke you to Him.”
Now I want to look at another story from Judges 6. 1 The
people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD gave
them into the hand of Midian seven years. 2 And the hand of Midian overpowered
Israel, and because of Midian the people of Israel made for themselves the dens
that are in the mountains and the caves and the strongholds. 3 For whenever the
Israelites planted crops, the Midianites and the Amalekites and the people of
the East would come up against them. 4 They would encamp against them and
devour the produce of the land, as far as Gaza, and leave no sustenance in
Israel and no sheep or ox or donkey. 5 For they would come up with their
livestock and their tents; they would come like locusts in number--both they
and their camels could not be counted--so that they laid waste the land as they
came in. 6 And Israel was brought very low because of Midian. And the people of
Israel cried out for help to the LORD. 7 When the people of Israel cried out to
the LORD on account of the Midianites, - Jdg 6:1-7 ESV
AS we see, all of Israel is trembling before the invaders.
They hid in the caves up in the cliffs. This left their cities and their fields
defenseless against the invading hoard. Their livestock was stolen; their crops
were destroyed and their villages plundered. All of Israel was living in fear.
Then we learn of a man who God chose to be their rescuer. He was not any different
than most of the others in Israel at the time. 11 Now the
angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to
Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the
winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV
As we meet Gideon, he is doing what all the men of Israel seem
to be doing. He is not in a cave. He is hiding inside in a wine press trying to
grind enough grain to feed his family. He is not being David, charging out to
face a giant. He too is hiding. This makes the next verse really astounding to
me. An angel comes to call Gideon out of his hiding spot, into service, into
battle. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the
terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son
Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites.
- Jdg 6:11 ESV
We live in challenging times. We see even the most respected
ministry leaders fall into failure. They are falling hard and fast it seems. These
ministry leaders, when caught double down on their position as being appointed by
God and failing to submit to discipline or accountability. I have heard it said
before that it is difficult for pastors to be accountable in their Churches without
creating scandal. Pastors have a tough time being vulnerable because they carry
a higher expectation of holiness in their lives, but an unrealistic
understanding of holiness is. Part of the problem is the expectations they
place upon themselves, and another part is the expectations the congregation place
on them. There is no safe place for them to talk about their frailties and
their failures. Leaders are people and many of their problems arise when they
try to carry the weight of their responsibility on their own shoulders. Pastors
can be like Gideon and go into hiding when they fail or even when they are
tempted.
I am mentioning this because I have been praying a lot about
the boys in San Lucas. I love them like they are my own. There is nothing I
would not give up for them. My only desire is that they grow up feeling loved
and secure so that they can come to a place where it is easy to receive the
love of the Father. That is greatest desire of my life currently. I want to
model love to them in a way that the Father’s love makes sense to them. I would
like to say that I always get that right. But there are times I really blow it,
not because I do not love them, but because I hold back. I let my own fears,
insecurities, weakness, and sin come between me and them. The Lord has been
speaking to me a lot about those things lately and He is bringing into greater
clarity what it is that He is changing in my life.
The other day, at 2 a.m. I got up to go to the bathroom and
that is not uncommon, but I usually am back to sleep 2 minutes later. That
morning, I could not go back to sleep. The Lord was showing me my heart. He
told me that our heart is supposed to be like a sponge just waiting to be
saturated with His love. We are to soak it up, to drink it in until His love
cannot be contained anymore. It just leaks out, like a saturated sponge. He has
been pouring love out on me, but I have been keeping it at arm’s length. It could
not saturate my heart because I kept it at bay. I wanted to experience desperately,
but just like human love, I did not trust it. I always have felt like the moment
you surrender to love; the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, so it is
better to keep your distance. Of course this has led to all kinds of problems.
I see how it has stifled me emotionally. It has caused me to keep my
connections to people shallow. That is not a good place to show love from.
Love requires us to become vulnerable. I have often written
about things that I struggle with, but the Lord is showing me that this has
been at the heart of it all. Not trusting and allowing love to take residence
in the deepest parts of our heart always keeps us shallow in ministry. It makes
us ineffective because the Kingdom cannot flow through that block we set in
place. Several years ago, I was in mission’s school in Mexico, and the Lord
showed me a picture. I was looking into a well, a well that was full all the
way to the surface. There were 2 levels of stone creating a protective ring
around the top of the well. He told me that the well was my heart. He had
filled it to nearly overflowing with good, pure, clean water, but I had put a
protective barrier around it to keep the water from getting contaminated and to
hoard it for myself. The result was that everything around the well was dry,
even though there was plenty of water in the well to meet every need. He called
me to tear down the protective blocks and let the water flow. He showed me that
the picture was the same fountain that is in Eze 47.
1 Then he brought me back to the door of the temple,
and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the
east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the
south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. 2 Then he brought
me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer
gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the
south side. 3 Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man
measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was
ankle-deep. 4 Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and
it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water,
and it was waist-deep. 5 Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that
I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim
in, a river that could not be passed through. 6 And he said to me, "Son of
man, have you seen this?" Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7
As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side
and on the other. 8 And he said to me, "This water flows toward the
eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, and enters the sea; when the
water flows into the sea, the water will become fresh. 9 And wherever the river
goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many
fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh;
so everything will live where the river goes. - Eze 47:1-9 ESV
This river is the well that the Lord has placed inside us.
It is full and waiting to overflow to bring live wherever it goes. It is inside
us. We are the guardians of the well that feeds the river. Unfortunately, we build
walls around it for our own purposes. For me, it is mostly because I am my own
hardest critic. I do not like to talk about what is going on inside me because
that opens the door to pain. I see it magnifying shame. Far too often I see it
keeping love at arm’s length, so I do not get hurt.
The Lord is asking me how I can possibly show love to the
boys if I do not let it flow into and through me. It is the river of His love
that brings His love through us to the broken hurting world. It is time to have
a heart so saturated with His love that it oozes out. It will fill everything
it touches. They boys will know that kind of love when I live in it and model
it for them every opportunity I get. It is only as the Lord fills me that I
have anything to give. Far too often, I try to live from my own reserves and
that is fruitless and only leads to feelings of failure and weakness. It is not
the place Holy Spirit can flow to others from.
The purpose of writing all of this is because I have seen
the posts from the men of Families of Faith in Channahon. The Lord is doing
some remarkable things as they gather and talk about the things the Lord is doing
in their lives. I am hearing stories of newfound strength and faith, healing,
and deliverance from bondage. I believe that it is time that there is something
like this for people in ministry. We need a safe place to process our failures,
our shame, the lies the enemy has trapped us in. We need a place where we can hear
the angel say, 12 And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him,
"The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor." - Jdg 6:12 ESV
Your call is real. The Lord knows who you are. He sees you,
(and me) He planned our purpose in life long before we were conceived. Our
failure is not part of His plan, but our utter dependence on Him is and that
will only happen when we get together and talk about our struggles, when we get
real with others on ministry to encourage each other, to hold one another accountable
and to help each other fulfill God’s call. We are not separate believers or
ministers. We are called to unity and oneness in Jesus. The bast way to do that
is to grow together.
I am looking for 2 or 3 pastors, ministry leaders, elders,
or missionaries to come together and begin the conversation about where we
begin to build a group of leaders who need support, encouragement, and
accountability. Unfortunately, this type of ministry works best when they are
gender exclusive, separate groups for men and women so that conversations can
be more frank and free. We need each other if we are going to stand before the
Lord someday without shame and with lots of fruit to present to Him
