Who Am I

 No Longer a Slave to Fear

As I was reading this morning I was struck by several things. I want to first share with you what I was reading and then encourage you to read these passages yourself. They are Rom 4:6-10, Luke 20 and Ps 32. Each one of these passages had some profound insights for me. The song above was what the Lord brough to mind as I pondered the verses I was reading.

Rom 4:6-10 is Paul talking about how Abraham was justified by faith. Abraham didn't just believe what God said to and about him, but he walked towards it. He didn't let what his eyes saw, and the doubts his mind whispered turn him away from what God had promised him. My friend George Sisneros did an excellent job covering this yesterday in his blog Covered In His Dust. Follow the link to read it. The verses I read were just a few verses before what he wrote.

I realized that far too often, I place my identity in what I do and what I believe about myself. These verses point us to an active, involved, obedient faith that makes us righteous. Our faith is not a passive thing. We don't just acquiesce to a vague thing. We give ourselves fully to what God says is true about us. As we trust Him to bring our identity in line with His truth, He changes us and fulfills His purpose for us at the same time.  Abraham had to live many yeas with the name, Father of Many and then 25 more years with the name Father of Many Nations all while he remained childless. He tried to take matters into His own hands and make it happened, but that took him outside of the Lord's will. It didn't change his identity or his name. Even after he messed up, he kept believing God would fulfill his purposes. Abraham was 100 years old and Sarah 90 when God answered his prayers and began to fulfill his destiny. But, His identity had been fixed since birth, when he was born to pagan parents. Abraham was righteous because He believed God, even when believing was difficult, nearly impossible.

Then I move into Luke 20. Jesus was teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath and He was challenged by all the religious leaders. They hated that they were losing their place in the Kingdom to a carpenter, a tax collector and some fishermen. They challenged Jesus' authority but we know that Jesus also taught with wisdom beyond His years. 46 After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. - Luk 2:46-47 ESV Jesus was hated by those who were being displaced as a new Kingdom was beginning to rub up against the one they thought they were in control of. As you read the chapter, you see that Jesus did not back down from the Pharisees or after from the Sadducees. He exposed both groups of religious leaders for the frauds they had become, while He was seen by many for who He was. Jesus did not let those who didn't know Him become the ones who defined Him. Jesus was secure in the identity the Father had given Him before the foundation of the world.

As I continued on into Ps 32, I see David clinging to the Lord's identity for him. David was well aware of his failures and suffered greatly with them. What kept him was that he also knew that the Lord had not rejected him or left him to rot in shame with the wicked. To David, the Lord was his rescuer, the one who set him apart from the sinful men. Just like Abraham, he had a sense of identity that superseded his failures. David would regularly throw himself onto the merch of the Lord and trust Him to deliver.

For me, all these thing spoke a new sense of identity this morning. Far too often, I let people that don't know me speak a false identity into me. I let my failures drive me into hiding and shame. I have spent way too much time deriving my identity from accomplishments or knowledge. I have let me failures plunge me into a defeatist mindset rather than run to Jesus, our rock and refuge. When I fall into these mindset traps, I see other people's successes much easier and begin to compare my failures with their success. This just reinforces the defeatist mindset. As I let myself be victimized by my own mindset, I feel distant from the Lord.

Jesus never had a failure, but He perfectly know how to shut down the enemy when His identity came under attack. We are more like David. We have hole in our armor. We have real weaknesses to attack, but we need to know how to sit in the promises God has spoken over our lives. We need to let His spoken identity in our lives become the one we embrace. We need to hide in the strong tower that is Jesus until the enemies fiery darts are quenched. Jesus has spoken and identity over us. He set it in motion before the foundation of the world. He knew us before we even formed.

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. - Psa 139:13-18 ESV

As  was reading this morning, I was convicted of how often I let my identity rest in what other people have said, in lies I have internalized and in emotions that have felt true but contradicted what the Lord has said. I am praying today to hear the Lord clearly, to let His promises and spoken identity purify and cleans the identities that I have held on to. I am asking Him to replace the lies with His truth. I know I can run to Him but have so often run away from Him in fear of His holiness until I can feel like I have gotten things right. I have let performance and failure shape my identity. This is the time to get real with the Lord. I know that I can never live up to His standards on my own. Now I have to hold fast to this verse from Rom 5.

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. - Rom 5:6-9 ESV

When I feel weak, when I feel defeated, when I have fallen hard and feel hopeless, no matter how low I feel, I am right there in the place where I can claim that Christ died for the ungodly. The worst case scenario is that I have to humble myself and run to Jesus, because He died for the ungodly. I can't be much worse than that. In times of defeat, I call out to Jesus as the ungodly man that Jesus died for and I repent. That is the plan. That is the purpose of the cross because every time we run back to him in our sin and failure and repent, we find that who we are is no longer who He calls us. We recognize and acknowledge our ungodly behavior, feelings, emotions and reactions and that is where He picks us up and speaks His new identity into us and begins to sanctify us and our identity. He renews and restores all that the enemy has stolen from us. He makes us new. He cleanses our desires and purifies us. He moves us back into alignment with His will.

When I am feeling defeated and under shame, it is the perfect time to run back to the Father and let Him renew our minds and speak identity into us again, even if we have had to run back to Him numerous times.

Not Strong Enough

 I don't know about you, but some days I just feel like I am barely hanging on. It can feel like this Christian walk is more than I can do. There are times when I know God is calling me to do things but the whole idea is overwhelming. Some days, it feels like there is no point in even continuing to work on it because it is impossible. I suspect that there are many out there that feel this way. You are in over your head and you know it. This feeling can make you feel trapped and leave you prey to an enemy that is looking for an open door to come in and destroy the things God has been building on you.

The truth of the matter is that if you are following the plans of Jesus, you are in over your head. His plans for you are bigger than your abilities on your best day. They are so far out of reach on a regular day that you probably can't even fathom that you haven't been left to drown in a sea of grandiose ideas. You feel like just treading water is success. I say you, but often it is me that feels this way. I look at the things God has put in my heart and the excitement that used to burn for them has turned to dread. I am not strong enough! I feel doomed to failure so why try.

I find that this feeling always brings me to a crossroad. I have a choice to make. If I choose to continue as I have, I risk defeat and despair. I am on easy target for an enemy that is stalking and tempting. I can admit the futility of it all and become depressed. This leaves me vulnerable to fall into every trap I used to fall into. The enemy will recycle things when we are in this weak and hopeless state and see if we are open to falling into the same old snares again. It is easy to fall into the things we used to go to for comfort when we are distressed. As disturbing as it may be to think, we are just a few wrong thoughts away from being victimized by a lurking, opportunistic enemy.

The other choice is to recognize that the success of God's plan has little to do with my ability. It is totally dependent on my willingness to abide in the vine. As long as I know my need and cling to the source of life, He will cling to me even tighter and fill me with all I need to do all He calls me to. Even Jesus, at the weakest point of His life. recognized that it was the connection with His Father and Holy Spirit that strengthened Him to be able to embrace the cross. He wanted to run from it but instead, He chose to press into His Father. In this place of intimacy with Father, while sweating drops of blood, he found the resolve and the resources to embrace the cross. We need to look at this example for our own call.

We cannot do anything of value in our own strength. We are clothed in frailty and weakness. We live in the finite world of our own body. God's plans are infinite and eternal. It only makes sense that they are too big for us. It is only by retreating into Jesus and living in fellowship with Him that we can find the place of rest that empowers us to fulfill all He calls us to. Look at the following passages.

[Mat 11:25-30 ESV] 25 At that time Jesus declared, "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; 26 yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. 27 All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. 28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

[Heb 4:8-11 ESV] 8 For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken of another day later on. 9 So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, 10 for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. 11 Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.

Too often, it is easy to look at the need around us and the call of God on us and feel like it is an overwhelming task. We feel the need to immediately get to work. We plan and network. We throw every ourselves fully into the job at hand, trying to utilize every available resources and we won't stop until we are finished. From a human perspective, that sounds incredible but from God's perspective, it is doomed to fail. He sees a bigger picture. He knows our limitations and weakness. He did not choose us because we were so strong we could do it, He chose us because we were weak and would have to live in complete dependence if we wanted to see any success.

The first step of undertaking any new ministry is to rest. We need to seek God until we are able to lay every outcome at His feet and trust Him. We must start from a place of rest and peace and not allow any circumstance to dislodge us from there. It is only by knowing that we are seated with Him in the Heavenlies and that He is in complete control that He can use us for anything. He does not need is to be enough. He needs us to be in His presence. Just like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, it was in communion with Father that He was able to step out in courage and destroy the works of the enemy. If Jesus, God's Son, needed to go off and find the Father's presence for the task before Him, how much more do we.

You and I are not strong enough but we were never meant to be. The call of God will incorporate our gifts, talents and skills but it isn't dependent on them. The only thing needed for God's plans to be fulfilled in and through our lives is for us to surrender to Him and rest in His presence. It is there that we will find the orders for the day, the task He is calling us to join Him on in the moment. You may have a big call but it does not depend on you figuring it out. It only depends on you walking in His presence and obedience to the specific task for the moment. He will empower you to do that. The picture is of the manna in the wilderness. There was always just enough for the moment and never more, except to provide for the Sabbath rest on the seventh day.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and the call is too big, retreat to God's presence. Let Him bring you to a place of rest. Stop pushing forward until you recognize that His plan is His responsibility to accomplish. You are a bit player and not the one carrying the weight of success. That is His job. You are not enough but you were never meant to be. His grace is sufficient to carry you into the fulfillment of His plans for your life.

[2Co 12:9 ESV] 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.