Fear and Delight

9 And he charged them: "Thus you shall do in the fear of the LORD, in faithfulness, and with your whole heart: - 2Ch 19:9 ESV

28 And he said to man, 'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.'" - Job 28:28 ESV

11 Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. - Psa 34:11 ESV

10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! - Psa 111:10 ESV

7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. - Pro 1:7 ESV

5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. - Pro 2:5 ESV

Have you, like me struggled with this phrase, “The fear of the Lord?” For years I have grappled with this idea and have spent lots of time pondering all the things I have been taught about it. Mostly, what I have often been told is that the fear of the Lord is Awe as we look at His majesty. That made sense. If God is good and loving, what is there to fear? But that answer seems to not satisfy me or carry the intent of the authors. Or God in Job’s case. There has to be more.

The more time I spend with this concept, the more I feel like there is something really important missing in our understanding and I believe it is killing the Church today. When Dvid and Solomon talked about the fear of the Lord, it was the root of wisdom and knowledge. It is certainly meaningful to understand the awesome power and majesty of the Lord, but when we fall short of fear, we also fall short of respect for who He is. He is just and Holy. He will judge the world in righteousness. Someday we are going to stand before Him in judgment. We know that Jesus has saved us and has taken our judgment upon Himself. We know that He removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west, but unfortunately, we do not respect what it means that we will stand in judgment and that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter the Kingdom.

28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Mat 10:28 ESV

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' - Mat 7:21-23 ESV

These should be a sobering thing to read. It is for this reason that I feel we have lost the fear of the Lord and often stumble around in folly. We know God is powerful. We know He is kind and gracious. He is love. But, if we miss that He is also perfectly righteous and perfectly holy, we will walk around in a false sense of security. It is the understanding of the fear of the Lord that keeps us mindful of who He is in every regard. It does make us confident in His love, but it also makes us leery of straying outside of Hs will, not because He is waiting for us to slip up so He can catch us, but because it requires being clothed in His righteousness to stand in His presence.

Our sin is always destructive. There is no way to continue life as usual and still abide in the presence of Jesus. It is only as we become aware of His absolute perfection that we understand what it is that we have been called to. I am not saying that if we sin, we are out. Obviously, Jesus, John and Paul had a lot to say about this. What I am saying is that once we lose the fear of the Lord, His majesty and His authority lose their place of awe in our conscious thinking. We walk in foolish ways that deny His power in our lives. We stop participating with Him in our sanctification. This is a dangerous place to live.

You ask me why I am writing about this, it is because I feel like I have spent too much time living in this cheap understanding of the fear of the Lord. I have not weighed many of my words and actions in the light of the fact that one day I will stand before a holy God and my actins will be judged. I have spent too much time living as if everything is good when often, it is not. The Lord has been challenging me on several false beliefs and assumptions that I have been living under. The reality is I have been living as if the grace of God was cheap and devaluing how costly it was. I have been living as if I don’t owe Jesus every breath I take and every effort I give.

The fear of the Lord is the only safe place to live, not because the Lord wants us living under the cloud of judgment every moment, but He does want us aware that we will stand before Him one day and we are going to hear one of two things. “Well done good and faithful servant, enter the joy of your Lord.” Or “Depart from me, I never knew you.” If we are in Christ, we will hear well done, but we cannot assume that we are not in Him if we are not living a life pleasing to Him. We may make it into Heaven, but at great peril of seeing everything that we are dragging with us consumed by the fire.  

10 According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. 11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-- 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only through fire. - 1Co 3:10-15 ESV

This is the greatest reason that I can think of to walk in the fear of the Lord. Everything that we give our lives too will be tested. It will have to survive the fire. If we build on the wrong foundation, or we build from our selfish desires, it will not survive the testing. We will be before the Lord empty handed, like the servant who received on coin from the hamster and then hid it so he wouldn’t lose it. He was cut off and his coin was given to another, along with the reward that was to be his for being faithful and diligent with what the Master had entrusted to him.

I have wasted too much time building my own kingdoms. I have experienced the Lord challenging the work I am doing, knowing that much of it will not pass the test of the fire. I am not saying that the Lord was not in any of the work I have done. Much of it was motivated and directed by Him. Unfortunately, much of the time I have had false and wrong motives. I have loved the people the Lord has brought into my life. I have immensely enjoyed the places He has led me. I have also let my motivation become human recognition, reputation, fear of man, fear of failure, attempts to earn love and honor. Those things will not survive the fire.  

What I am learning most though is that we cannot understand or receive the love of the Lord if we do not rightly understand the fear of the Lord. It is only when we understand the fear that we can receive this love, because we understand all He has done to show Himself faithful and trustworthy on our behalf. It is only when we truly understand what He can do that we can appreciate what He has done. We can receive His love because we can see it clearly, without the corruption of our natural sight.

I am getting tired of trying to earn what the Lord wants to freely give. I am tired of being under the pressure of my own failures and expectations. I want to live in a place where the love of the Lord flows freely between Him and me and that that love, with full recognition of His awesome might flow freely from me to others.

It is time to start living from this promise We can only begin when we understand all the reasons that we are to fear the Lord.

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. - Psa 37:3-6 ESV

                                 The  Hole in Our Armor

The last time that I wrote, I talked about the call of Joshua the High Priest at the reinstitution of the Temple sacrifice system after returning from the exile. We are told that Joshua was standing before the Lord in filthy clothes and that Satan was right there to accuse and condemn him. But, before he was able to get a word out, we hear the Lord say, “The Lord rebuke you to Him.”

Now I want to look at another story from Judges 6. 1 The people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD gave them into the hand of Midian seven years. 2 And the hand of Midian overpowered Israel, and because of Midian the people of Israel made for themselves the dens that are in the mountains and the caves and the strongholds. 3 For whenever the Israelites planted crops, the Midianites and the Amalekites and the people of the East would come up against them. 4 They would encamp against them and devour the produce of the land, as far as Gaza, and leave no sustenance in Israel and no sheep or ox or donkey. 5 For they would come up with their livestock and their tents; they would come like locusts in number--both they and their camels could not be counted--so that they laid waste the land as they came in. 6 And Israel was brought very low because of Midian. And the people of Israel cried out for help to the LORD. 7 When the people of Israel cried out to the LORD on account of the Midianites, - Jdg 6:1-7 ESV

AS we see, all of Israel is trembling before the invaders. They hid in the caves up in the cliffs. This left their cities and their fields defenseless against the invading hoard. Their livestock was stolen; their crops were destroyed and their villages plundered. All of Israel was living in fear. Then we learn of a man who God chose to be their rescuer. He was not any different than most of the others in Israel at the time. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

As we meet Gideon, he is doing what all the men of Israel seem to be doing. He is not in a cave. He is hiding inside in a wine press trying to grind enough grain to feed his family. He is not being David, charging out to face a giant. He too is hiding. This makes the next verse really astounding to me. An angel comes to call Gideon out of his hiding spot, into service, into battle. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

We live in challenging times. We see even the most respected ministry leaders fall into failure. They are falling hard and fast it seems. These ministry leaders, when caught double down on their position as being appointed by God and failing to submit to discipline or accountability. I have heard it said before that it is difficult for pastors to be accountable in their Churches without creating scandal. Pastors have a tough time being vulnerable because they carry a higher expectation of holiness in their lives, but an unrealistic understanding of holiness is. Part of the problem is the expectations they place upon themselves, and another part is the expectations the congregation place on them. There is no safe place for them to talk about their frailties and their failures. Leaders are people and many of their problems arise when they try to carry the weight of their responsibility on their own shoulders. Pastors can be like Gideon and go into hiding when they fail or even when they are tempted.

I am mentioning this because I have been praying a lot about the boys in San Lucas. I love them like they are my own. There is nothing I would not give up for them. My only desire is that they grow up feeling loved and secure so that they can come to a place where it is easy to receive the love of the Father. That is greatest desire of my life currently. I want to model love to them in a way that the Father’s love makes sense to them. I would like to say that I always get that right. But there are times I really blow it, not because I do not love them, but because I hold back. I let my own fears, insecurities, weakness, and sin come between me and them. The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about those things lately and He is bringing into greater clarity what it is that He is changing in my life.

The other day, at 2 a.m. I got up to go to the bathroom and that is not uncommon, but I usually am back to sleep 2 minutes later. That morning, I could not go back to sleep. The Lord was showing me my heart. He told me that our heart is supposed to be like a sponge just waiting to be saturated with His love. We are to soak it up, to drink it in until His love cannot be contained anymore. It just leaks out, like a saturated sponge. He has been pouring love out on me, but I have been keeping it at arm’s length. It could not saturate my heart because I kept it at bay. I wanted to experience desperately, but just like human love, I did not trust it. I always have felt like the moment you surrender to love; the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, so it is better to keep your distance. Of course this has led to all kinds of problems. I see how it has stifled me emotionally. It has caused me to keep my connections to people shallow. That is not a good place to show love from.

Love requires us to become vulnerable. I have often written about things that I struggle with, but the Lord is showing me that this has been at the heart of it all. Not trusting and allowing love to take residence in the deepest parts of our heart always keeps us shallow in ministry. It makes us ineffective because the Kingdom cannot flow through that block we set in place. Several years ago, I was in mission’s school in Mexico, and the Lord showed me a picture. I was looking into a well, a well that was full all the way to the surface. There were 2 levels of stone creating a protective ring around the top of the well. He told me that the well was my heart. He had filled it to nearly overflowing with good, pure, clean water, but I had put a protective barrier around it to keep the water from getting contaminated and to hoard it for myself. The result was that everything around the well was dry, even though there was plenty of water in the well to meet every need. He called me to tear down the protective blocks and let the water flow. He showed me that the picture was the same fountain that is in Eze 47.

1 Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. 2 Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side. 3 Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep. 4 Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep. 5 Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through. 6 And he said to me, "Son of man, have you seen this?" Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7 As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side and on the other. 8 And he said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, and enters the sea; when the water flows into the sea, the water will become fresh. 9 And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh; so everything will live where the river goes. - Eze 47:1-9 ESV

This river is the well that the Lord has placed inside us. It is full and waiting to overflow to bring live wherever it goes. It is inside us. We are the guardians of the well that feeds the river. Unfortunately, we build walls around it for our own purposes. For me, it is mostly because I am my own hardest critic. I do not like to talk about what is going on inside me because that opens the door to pain. I see it magnifying shame. Far too often I see it keeping love at arm’s length, so I do not get hurt.

The Lord is asking me how I can possibly show love to the boys if I do not let it flow into and through me. It is the river of His love that brings His love through us to the broken hurting world. It is time to have a heart so saturated with His love that it oozes out. It will fill everything it touches. They boys will know that kind of love when I live in it and model it for them every opportunity I get. It is only as the Lord fills me that I have anything to give. Far too often, I try to live from my own reserves and that is fruitless and only leads to feelings of failure and weakness. It is not the place Holy Spirit can flow to others from.

The purpose of writing all of this is because I have seen the posts from the men of Families of Faith in Channahon. The Lord is doing some remarkable things as they gather and talk about the things the Lord is doing in their lives. I am hearing stories of newfound strength and faith, healing, and deliverance from bondage. I believe that it is time that there is something like this for people in ministry. We need a safe place to process our failures, our shame, the lies the enemy has trapped us in. We need a place where we can hear the angel say, 12 And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, "The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor." - Jdg 6:12 ESV

Your call is real. The Lord knows who you are. He sees you, (and me) He planned our purpose in life long before we were conceived. Our failure is not part of His plan, but our utter dependence on Him is and that will only happen when we get together and talk about our struggles, when we get real with others on ministry to encourage each other, to hold one another accountable and to help each other fulfill God’s call. We are not separate believers or ministers. We are called to unity and oneness in Jesus. The bast way to do that is to grow together.

I am looking for 2 or 3 pastors, ministry leaders, elders, or missionaries to come together and begin the conversation about where we begin to build a group of leaders who need support, encouragement, and accountability. Unfortunately, this type of ministry works best when they are gender exclusive, separate groups for men and women so that conversations can be more frank and free. We need each other if we are going to stand before the Lord someday without shame and with lots of fruit to present to Him

                                                 Clothed in Filthy Garments

1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. 2 And the LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, O Satan! The LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?" 3 Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. 4 And the angel said to those who were standing before him, "Remove the filthy garments from him." And to him he said, "Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments." 5 And I said, "Let them put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the LORD was standing by. 6 And the angel of the LORD solemnly assured Joshua, 7 "Thus says the LORD of hosts: If you will walk in my ways and keep my charge, then you shall rule my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you the right of access among those who are standing here. - Zec 3:1-7 ESV

This Joshua was the son of Jehozadak after the restoration of Israel from the Babylonian and Assyrian captivity. They were restoring the walls of the city and the Temple. He would be the priest who was charged with resuming the sacrifices. It was a big deal to be the high priest, especially in a Jerusalem that was being restored and rebuilt after 70 years without sacrifices. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. AS we know, there were many corrupt high priests before the captivity that did not serve to guard the integrity or well being of Israel or Judah. Joshua was chosen to be the one to set the tone of the faith life of Israel as they came out of the shame of being judged and overthrown.

As the story opens, Joshua is in front of the throne of God and Satan is at the Lord’s right side to accuse him. He is the accuser of the brethren. 9 And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world--he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. 10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. - Rev 12:9-10 ESV The Lord knew that the only reason Satan was there in that moment was to accuse Joshua. It was what he did. Joshua had come in with baggage. That made him an easy target. But the Lord had a plan.

Before the conversation even began, we hear Him say, “The Lord rebuke you oh Satan.” He then goes on to point out that Joshua was to be a firebrand, carrying the torch of the Lord to the people of Israel. Joshua was in filthy clothes. He probably felt completely undone in the presence of a pure and holy God. It wouldn’t take too many words of condemnation to undermine what the Lord was about to do with him. The Lord shut Satan down immediately. Joshua did not need to be told that he was covered with filthy clothes. He was already aware of his condition.

Instead of hearing “how dare you come in here so dirty? Have you no respect for God or decency?” Joshua heard the Lord give the command to strip of the filthy clothes and put on clean, new, royal clothes on Him. These are also the words we hear as a promise in Rev 3 for the one who conquers. 5 The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. - Rev 3:5 ESV

The devil did not want to accuse Joshua before the Lord because he thought that the Lord wouldn’t know. He wanted to make sure that Joshua heard the demoralizing, disqualifying words that would keep him from stepping into the Lord’s plans. The Lord already knew Joshua’s condition when he was chosen to be the new high priest. He was not worried about where Joshua had been. He qualified him for where He was leading Joshua to go and what He called Joshua to be.

Maybe you are struggling with feeling defeated, discouraged and disqualified. That is pretty common. We live in a world that is trying to destroy every good thing God has placed in us and magnify ever fault, failure and flaw. The world and Satan will stand close and point out every wrong thing we have ever done and use it repeatedly as long as he has an audience. It is really easy to listen to because everything he says about us is anchored in the old, fallen nature. Even though we sometimes fall into the trap of living like we were never saved at times, it isn’t true. When we have surrendered our lives to Jesus, He makes us new. Our old self may flare up at times, but it is not who we are.

We may feel like Peter. Jesus told him that he was going to be sifted and that he would fall. Peter did not believe him, but he did fall. Jesus then told him that when he turned back to the Lord, he was given the assignment to strengthen the brothers.

31 "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." 33 Peter said to him, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death." 34 Jesus said, "I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me." - Luk 22:31-34

Joshua was the high priest, the intermediary between God and Man in his day. He was given great authority in Israel, yet his clothes were filthy. Peter was a disciple, one of only 3 to go with Jesus when He would withdraw. Peter had more access to Jesus than any other disciple, yet he was rebuked by Jesus for his arrogance, crushed by Jesus when he was told he would deny Jesus 3 times in one evening, and rebuked by Paul for his inconsistencies with the Gentile believers. David tells us the God knew us before the foundation of the world, that He had plans for us before we occupied our mother’s womb. Jesus knows what you are called to, who He has called you to be. He has called you to be a saint, a holy one, a little Christ. He knows about every chink in your armor. He is aware of every time you have fallen short and every time you have been outright rebellious against Him. He has a plan to remedy that. The cross was the ultimate revelation of that plan. He took all of our junk upon Himself because it could not corrupt Him. Then He carried it to the cross, in great agony and He left it in the pit, where we are eternally separated from our guilt. Then He arose and gave us His life.

Our feelings of disqualification, even though root in a truth, are not the truth about us, because from the cross, Jesus screamed a greater truth. Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. We are blind. We are foolish at times and easily fall into temptation, but those things no longer define us. As the devil is standing waiting at the Father’s right hand to accuse us, he hears, “The Lord rebuke you Satan.” His fate is sealed. He is cast down from heaven and cursed to wander the earth until he is bound hand and foot and tossed into the pit. His half truths and accusations no longer have a place to land in the Father an, if we confess our sins to Jesus and repent, they lose their landing spot in us too. We have been stripped of our old filthy clothes and been dressed in clean, new clothes that honor the Lord and prepare us to stand before Him clean.

Today, if you feel unclean and disqualified, I encourage you to spend some time reading about Joshua in Zech 3 and Peter in Lk 22. Let their stories encourage you. The Lord knows your weaknesses and failures. He is calling you anyway. He is offering you clean new clothes. He is silencing the accuser so you can He Him more clearly. It is His will that none should perish. 7 But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly. 8 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. - 2Pe 3:7-9 ESV

Jesus is still withholding judgment in His mercy. It is still His will that you would repent and be in right relationship with Him. It is also His will that you would take what had been failures and allow Him to turn them into your story of redemption and restoration. He knows the accusations and is still offering to strip your old filthy clothes off you and dress you in His royal robes. You are loved beyond measure and way beyond your failures and shortcomings. Just ask Jesus to stand in His presence and allow Him to remove the filth and clothe you in His righteousness. He will transform you and make you new.