The  Hole in Our Armor

The last time that I wrote, I talked about the call of Joshua the High Priest at the reinstitution of the Temple sacrifice system after returning from the exile. We are told that Joshua was standing before the Lord in filthy clothes and that Satan was right there to accuse and condemn him. But, before he was able to get a word out, we hear the Lord say, “The Lord rebuke you to Him.”

Now I want to look at another story from Judges 6. 1 The people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD gave them into the hand of Midian seven years. 2 And the hand of Midian overpowered Israel, and because of Midian the people of Israel made for themselves the dens that are in the mountains and the caves and the strongholds. 3 For whenever the Israelites planted crops, the Midianites and the Amalekites and the people of the East would come up against them. 4 They would encamp against them and devour the produce of the land, as far as Gaza, and leave no sustenance in Israel and no sheep or ox or donkey. 5 For they would come up with their livestock and their tents; they would come like locusts in number--both they and their camels could not be counted--so that they laid waste the land as they came in. 6 And Israel was brought very low because of Midian. And the people of Israel cried out for help to the LORD. 7 When the people of Israel cried out to the LORD on account of the Midianites, - Jdg 6:1-7 ESV

AS we see, all of Israel is trembling before the invaders. They hid in the caves up in the cliffs. This left their cities and their fields defenseless against the invading hoard. Their livestock was stolen; their crops were destroyed and their villages plundered. All of Israel was living in fear. Then we learn of a man who God chose to be their rescuer. He was not any different than most of the others in Israel at the time. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

As we meet Gideon, he is doing what all the men of Israel seem to be doing. He is not in a cave. He is hiding inside in a wine press trying to grind enough grain to feed his family. He is not being David, charging out to face a giant. He too is hiding. This makes the next verse really astounding to me. An angel comes to call Gideon out of his hiding spot, into service, into battle. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

We live in challenging times. We see even the most respected ministry leaders fall into failure. They are falling hard and fast it seems. These ministry leaders, when caught double down on their position as being appointed by God and failing to submit to discipline or accountability. I have heard it said before that it is difficult for pastors to be accountable in their Churches without creating scandal. Pastors have a tough time being vulnerable because they carry a higher expectation of holiness in their lives, but an unrealistic understanding of holiness is. Part of the problem is the expectations they place upon themselves, and another part is the expectations the congregation place on them. There is no safe place for them to talk about their frailties and their failures. Leaders are people and many of their problems arise when they try to carry the weight of their responsibility on their own shoulders. Pastors can be like Gideon and go into hiding when they fail or even when they are tempted.

I am mentioning this because I have been praying a lot about the boys in San Lucas. I love them like they are my own. There is nothing I would not give up for them. My only desire is that they grow up feeling loved and secure so that they can come to a place where it is easy to receive the love of the Father. That is greatest desire of my life currently. I want to model love to them in a way that the Father’s love makes sense to them. I would like to say that I always get that right. But there are times I really blow it, not because I do not love them, but because I hold back. I let my own fears, insecurities, weakness, and sin come between me and them. The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about those things lately and He is bringing into greater clarity what it is that He is changing in my life.

The other day, at 2 a.m. I got up to go to the bathroom and that is not uncommon, but I usually am back to sleep 2 minutes later. That morning, I could not go back to sleep. The Lord was showing me my heart. He told me that our heart is supposed to be like a sponge just waiting to be saturated with His love. We are to soak it up, to drink it in until His love cannot be contained anymore. It just leaks out, like a saturated sponge. He has been pouring love out on me, but I have been keeping it at arm’s length. It could not saturate my heart because I kept it at bay. I wanted to experience desperately, but just like human love, I did not trust it. I always have felt like the moment you surrender to love; the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, so it is better to keep your distance. Of course this has led to all kinds of problems. I see how it has stifled me emotionally. It has caused me to keep my connections to people shallow. That is not a good place to show love from.

Love requires us to become vulnerable. I have often written about things that I struggle with, but the Lord is showing me that this has been at the heart of it all. Not trusting and allowing love to take residence in the deepest parts of our heart always keeps us shallow in ministry. It makes us ineffective because the Kingdom cannot flow through that block we set in place. Several years ago, I was in mission’s school in Mexico, and the Lord showed me a picture. I was looking into a well, a well that was full all the way to the surface. There were 2 levels of stone creating a protective ring around the top of the well. He told me that the well was my heart. He had filled it to nearly overflowing with good, pure, clean water, but I had put a protective barrier around it to keep the water from getting contaminated and to hoard it for myself. The result was that everything around the well was dry, even though there was plenty of water in the well to meet every need. He called me to tear down the protective blocks and let the water flow. He showed me that the picture was the same fountain that is in Eze 47.

1 Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. 2 Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side. 3 Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep. 4 Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep. 5 Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through. 6 And he said to me, "Son of man, have you seen this?" Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7 As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side and on the other. 8 And he said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, and enters the sea; when the water flows into the sea, the water will become fresh. 9 And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh; so everything will live where the river goes. - Eze 47:1-9 ESV

This river is the well that the Lord has placed inside us. It is full and waiting to overflow to bring live wherever it goes. It is inside us. We are the guardians of the well that feeds the river. Unfortunately, we build walls around it for our own purposes. For me, it is mostly because I am my own hardest critic. I do not like to talk about what is going on inside me because that opens the door to pain. I see it magnifying shame. Far too often I see it keeping love at arm’s length, so I do not get hurt.

The Lord is asking me how I can possibly show love to the boys if I do not let it flow into and through me. It is the river of His love that brings His love through us to the broken hurting world. It is time to have a heart so saturated with His love that it oozes out. It will fill everything it touches. They boys will know that kind of love when I live in it and model it for them every opportunity I get. It is only as the Lord fills me that I have anything to give. Far too often, I try to live from my own reserves and that is fruitless and only leads to feelings of failure and weakness. It is not the place Holy Spirit can flow to others from.

The purpose of writing all of this is because I have seen the posts from the men of Families of Faith in Channahon. The Lord is doing some remarkable things as they gather and talk about the things the Lord is doing in their lives. I am hearing stories of newfound strength and faith, healing, and deliverance from bondage. I believe that it is time that there is something like this for people in ministry. We need a safe place to process our failures, our shame, the lies the enemy has trapped us in. We need a place where we can hear the angel say, 12 And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, "The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor." - Jdg 6:12 ESV

Your call is real. The Lord knows who you are. He sees you, (and me) He planned our purpose in life long before we were conceived. Our failure is not part of His plan, but our utter dependence on Him is and that will only happen when we get together and talk about our struggles, when we get real with others on ministry to encourage each other, to hold one another accountable and to help each other fulfill God’s call. We are not separate believers or ministers. We are called to unity and oneness in Jesus. The bast way to do that is to grow together.

I am looking for 2 or 3 pastors, ministry leaders, elders, or missionaries to come together and begin the conversation about where we begin to build a group of leaders who need support, encouragement, and accountability. Unfortunately, this type of ministry works best when they are gender exclusive, separate groups for men and women so that conversations can be more frank and free. We need each other if we are going to stand before the Lord someday without shame and with lots of fruit to present to Him