The Calendar Is Running Out

 Today, I was able to mow for the first time in three weeks. It felt great to get back to a normal routine and just feel like life is going on, regardless of the incidents a couple weeks ago. As I was mowing, the thought hit me that the last time I mowed could have been the last time I ever did it since I was hospitalized just a couple days later. As happens, one thought led to another and I started thinking about lasts. If I know you, have spent time with you, there will be a last time that we talk in this life. I have no clue as to when that may be, but both of us were born with a limited number of days. Our calendars have been counting our days down since birth. As David said

15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. - Psa 139:15-16 ESV

12 So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. - Psa 90:12 ESV

Before we were born, the Lord planned the length of our life. It will not continue on forever on this earth. It will come to an end, by God's design. Therefore David reminds us to number our days, to live as if tomorrow is not guaranteed. That will cause us to begin to live a bit more wisely in our decisions. Remembering that the ending matters, we will live to make it a good one, a planned departure, not something that catches us off guard. We will be wise in how we leave things in our relationships.

This started for me as a rabbit trail from our Sunday morning group discussion two weeks ago, right after the stroke. We were talking about the fruit of the Spirit. A thought hit me and I have not been able to work through it completely yet, but it is related to this and it comes from two different places. I am hoping to write in much more depth about it soon,

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. - Gal 5:22-23 ESV

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - 1Co 13:1-13 ESV

I have always read the Gal 5 verses as  list of fruit, but the first thing I notice now is that it is not a list. It is singular. The fruit of the Spirit is love! All that follows in just a list of synonyms and descriptors for love. If you read these verses side by side with 1 Cor 13, you will see what I mean. The love is verses look very similar to the fruit. What this means to me, is that I have spent a lot of time thinking I was an impatient person and that really messed with me. I prayed for patience, but it didn't seem to come. Today, I am realizing that patience is just a manifestation of love in me and I cannot create, or generate love. I can only receive it and then let what the Lord has put in me come out.

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. - 1Jo 4:7-21 ESV

Love is the fruit of the Spirit and as we position ourselves to receive His love, He freely and gladly pours it in. I realized that I often do not position myself to receive. Love creates vulnerability and it requires trust to receive. I have often kept the Lord at arms length when He wants to fill me with love, because I know that His love will make me more like Him and that moves us into a position of laying our lives down for others. There is not selfishness in love, but I experience selfishness in me plenty of times. I don't need more joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or self control. I just need to be full of the love of Jesus and every one of those things will begin to show His life and love in me, just as the sap flows through the trunk and nourishes the trees, to produce fruit, His love nourishes us and produces godly fruit in our lives. As we lay down our lives out of love for others, they become the seed of a new generation to grow in the love of Jesus. We prepare the soil of our heart to receive and then Jesus produces life in us. His love is the nourishment that overfills us an spills out to others. It will look like the answer to their need in the moment.

The reality is that I don't need to become anymore of the things that follow love in Gal 5. I just need to allow myself to be loved more freely by Jesus and allow that to become the ground on which all of my relationships are built, Our calendars are getting shorter. Our days are running out. What do you want to be the last thing you  people remember about you. I know I want it to be that I really loved them well and that they saw Jesus through that love. Then, the fruit of the Spirit is truly manifest in me. Then when we part for the last time on this earth, it won't be for the last time. It will just be a pause in our relationship until Jesus reunites us.

Caught Off Guard

Have you been reading the bible for years/Do you get into familiar passages at times and just find yourself skimming over the familiar words rather than slowing down and sitting with them for a bit. After all Jesus said His words were Spirit and life. I don’t know about you, but I can always use some more spirit and life in me. As I read through John 11, a chapter that I feel like I have read hundreds of times, I was really amazed by what I have never noticed before, but carried a great meaning in the moment.

John 11:5-6 (ESV) 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

Did you see that? I have missed it numerous times. I have known that Jesus waited 2 more days after learning Lazarus was very sick before going to them. What really caught me was that it said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. He loved them and still He waited to go to them. It is easy when we are going through things to feel forgotten. Sometimes we pray for what we want and the answer does not come immediately. I think we need a new perspective, the one Jesus was bringing to Martha and her family. 

Martha did everything right. She sent word to Jesus. She expressed her fears and the need. She did exactly what we are supposed to do in a crisis. Still, Jesus let them feel the pain of death. He suffered with them. He didn’t let them suffer alone We see Jesus weeping on His way to the grave. Death always hurts but Jesus was showing them it isn’t the end. The more important message was that the resurrection is a person. They needed to know this before Jesus was crucified. They need to know that there is life after the grave and it is Jesus. He was preparing the way for them to be where He is. 

It is the lesson Isaiah had to learn. Ezekiel 37:1-7 (ESV) 1 The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. 2 And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. 3 And he said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord GOD, you know.” 4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. 5 Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. 6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD.” 7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone.

When it feels like the Lord is not answering us, we need to remind ourselves of these two stories. Jesus is at work. He is bringing life. He has not forgotten us. He has a plan and He is bringing it to fruition in our lives. If we will submit to Him and praise Him in the midst of the trial, He will reveal His life to us and in us through the thing we must go through. There is no pointless trials in the Kingdom. They all serve to fulfill the Lord’s purpose in our lives. It is when we learn to quickly submit to Him on whatever path He leads us down that we can walk in peace and prosper in every way that He has for us. He is not just leading us into places of suffering. He is going ahead of us, preparing the way. He is leading us down a sometimes dark, and apparently dangerous path so we can see Him in the midst of live’s trials. He is teaching us to abide in Him, regardless of what we see.

The real question is are we going to trust Him when the way isn’t clear and the obstacles seem insurmountable.?

The purposes of God

 I wrote yesterday about having a stroke but now I want to share about God’s work in my life. For the last few weeks, you may have sensed that I have been feeling a bit of discontent with my Christian walk. The Lord has been making it clear to me that there are areas of my life that He has been actively working on changing and I have been resistant to change. He has shown me areas where I lack basic trust in His goodness to bring the transformation that He desires. This has hindered relationships with Him and the people in my life. That is probably the biggest reason for everything that is happening.

In frustration a few days ago, I finally prayed what I knew the Lord had been prompting me to pray all along. I asked that He would do whatever was necessary in my life to make me a clear reflection of Jesus to those around me. I know that many times there has been too much of me clouding what He wants to reveal of Himself through me. Our short earthly lives are too important to waste on building our own kingdoms and on accumulating the praise of people. This life will end and we cannot take anything with us except those  who come to know Jesus through the way we represent Him. My prayer is that everything of me that clouds the picture would be laid down at the cross.

Now I do not believe the Lord caused me to have a stroke, but I believe He allowed me to ask that whatever it takes to purify my heart and actions could take place. I believe this whole thing began with Him allowing me to feel the discontentment with a life with one foot anchored in the security of feeling at home in this world. He allowed this to help me realize that everything in the world is fleeting. There will come a day I can no longer build a kingdom centered around me so it might as well end now,

The reality is that there is a house full of boys in Guatemala that I love more than my own life. They have had many rough times, not because of their own choosing, but because other people have made bad life choices that have done great harm to them. I started to realize than any area in me that isn’t sanctified fully cannot clearly reveal the love of Jesus to them. My own insecurities would eventually cause them more pain and harm. That would crush me, to know all the love of Jesus available for them and then to misrepresent him in a way that made it harder for them to receive that love. Many of them have summer birthdays and I have already missed a couple. It is heartbreaking to not be able to celebrate with them. But, I know the Lord is a master builder and whatever He is doing in me will benefit them and in His timing, it will bring more good for them than if I were there right now.

I would not have chosen to have a stroke, but I am celebrating the work the Lord is doing in me so I can reflect Him better, to become the example He wants me to be to draw people to Himself through my life. I realize it is not all about me but about the work Jesus is doing to make me a fully useable instrument in His hands. Through this, my biggest prayer is that  houseful of young men in Guatemala would come to know the full depths of the love of Jesus for them and to know that He is for them no matter what the world has thrown at them that has brought them harm. He is purifying my ability to let His perfect love flow through me without picking up the pollution that  has  so often colored my love for them and everyone in my life.

As for the stroke, I learned years ago that God has a purpose for our lives. Cancer didn’t kill me 15 years ago when a doctor I really like thought I wouldn’t make it past 51. 10 years later I still have a purpose for being here and the stroke can’t stop or change His purpose or plan, if anything it can only bring clarity and move me closer to the fulfillment of God’s purposes in and through me. I don’t fear my long term prognosis. My days were numbered before I was born. I am praying that as long as I am breathing, I would be a useful instrument to point people to the love and goodness of Jesus. I must decrease and His work in me must increase.

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                                                                 Fear and Delight

9 And he charged them: "Thus you shall do in the fear of the LORD, in faithfulness, and with your whole heart: - 2Ch 19:9 ESV

28 And he said to man, 'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.'" - Job 28:28 ESV

11 Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. - Psa 34:11 ESV

10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! - Psa 111:10 ESV

7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. - Pro 1:7 ESV

5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. - Pro 2:5 ESV

Have you, like me struggled with this phrase, “The fear of the Lord?” For years I have grappled with this idea and have spent lots of time pondering all the things I have been taught about it. Mostly, what I have often been told is that the fear of the Lord is Awe as we look at His majesty. That made sense. If God is good and loving, what is there to fear? But that answer seems to not satisfy me or carry the intent of the authors. Or God in Job’s case. There has to be more.

The more time I spend with this concept, the more I feel like there is something really important missing in our understanding and I believe it is killing the Church today. When Dvid and Solomon talked about the fear of the Lord, it was the root of wisdom and knowledge. It is certainly meaningful to understand the awesome power and majesty of the Lord, but when we fall short of fear, we also fall short of respect for who He is. He is just and Holy. He will judge the world in righteousness. Someday we are going to stand before Him in judgment. We know that Jesus has saved us and has taken our judgment upon Himself. We know that He removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west, but unfortunately, we do not respect what it means that we will stand in judgment and that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter the Kingdom.

28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Mat 10:28 ESV

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' - Mat 7:21-23 ESV

These should be a sobering thing to read. It is for this reason that I feel we have lost the fear of the Lord and often stumble around in folly. We know God is powerful. We know He is kind and gracious. He is love. But, if we miss that He is also perfectly righteous and perfectly holy, we will walk around in a false sense of security. It is the understanding of the fear of the Lord that keeps us mindful of who He is in every regard. It does make us confident in His love, but it also makes us leery of straying outside of Hs will, not because He is waiting for us to slip up so He can catch us, but because it requires being clothed in His righteousness to stand in His presence.

Our sin is always destructive. There is no way to continue life as usual and still abide in the presence of Jesus. It is only as we become aware of His absolute perfection that we understand what it is that we have been called to. I am not saying that if we sin, we are out. Obviously, Jesus, John and Paul had a lot to say about this. What I am saying is that once we lose the fear of the Lord, His majesty and His authority lose their place of awe in our conscious thinking. We walk in foolish ways that deny His power in our lives. We stop participating with Him in our sanctification. This is a dangerous place to live.

You ask me why I am writing about this, it is because I feel like I have spent too much time living in this cheap understanding of the fear of the Lord. I have not weighed many of my words and actions in the light of the fact that one day I will stand before a holy God and my actins will be judged. I have spent too much time living as if everything is good when often, it is not. The Lord has been challenging me on several false beliefs and assumptions that I have been living under. The reality is I have been living as if the grace of God was cheap and devaluing how costly it was. I have been living as if I don’t owe Jesus every breath I take and every effort I give.

The fear of the Lord is the only safe place to live, not because the Lord wants us living under the cloud of judgment every moment, but He does want us aware that we will stand before Him one day and we are going to hear one of two things. “Well done good and faithful servant, enter the joy of your Lord.” Or “Depart from me, I never knew you.” If we are in Christ, we will hear well done, but we cannot assume that we are not in Him if we are not living a life pleasing to Him. We may make it into Heaven, but at great peril of seeing everything that we are dragging with us consumed by the fire.  

10 According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. 11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-- 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only through fire. - 1Co 3:10-15 ESV

This is the greatest reason that I can think of to walk in the fear of the Lord. Everything that we give our lives too will be tested. It will have to survive the fire. If we build on the wrong foundation, or we build from our selfish desires, it will not survive the testing. We will be before the Lord empty handed, like the servant who received on coin from the hamster and then hid it so he wouldn’t lose it. He was cut off and his coin was given to another, along with the reward that was to be his for being faithful and diligent with what the Master had entrusted to him.

I have wasted too much time building my own kingdoms. I have experienced the Lord challenging the work I am doing, knowing that much of it will not pass the test of the fire. I am not saying that the Lord was not in any of the work I have done. Much of it was motivated and directed by Him. Unfortunately, much of the time I have had false and wrong motives. I have loved the people the Lord has brought into my life. I have immensely enjoyed the places He has led me. I have also let my motivation become human recognition, reputation, fear of man, fear of failure, attempts to earn love and honor. Those things will not survive the fire.  

What I am learning most though is that we cannot understand or receive the love of the Lord if we do not rightly understand the fear of the Lord. It is only when we understand the fear that we can receive this love, because we understand all He has done to show Himself faithful and trustworthy on our behalf. It is only when we truly understand what He can do that we can appreciate what He has done. We can receive His love because we can see it clearly, without the corruption of our natural sight.

I am getting tired of trying to earn what the Lord wants to freely give. I am tired of being under the pressure of my own failures and expectations. I want to live in a place where the love of the Lord flows freely between Him and me and that that love, with full recognition of His awesome might flow freely from me to others.

It is time to start living from this promise We can only begin when we understand all the reasons that we are to fear the Lord.

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. - Psa 37:3-6 ESV

                                 The  Hole in Our Armor

The last time that I wrote, I talked about the call of Joshua the High Priest at the reinstitution of the Temple sacrifice system after returning from the exile. We are told that Joshua was standing before the Lord in filthy clothes and that Satan was right there to accuse and condemn him. But, before he was able to get a word out, we hear the Lord say, “The Lord rebuke you to Him.”

Now I want to look at another story from Judges 6. 1 The people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD gave them into the hand of Midian seven years. 2 And the hand of Midian overpowered Israel, and because of Midian the people of Israel made for themselves the dens that are in the mountains and the caves and the strongholds. 3 For whenever the Israelites planted crops, the Midianites and the Amalekites and the people of the East would come up against them. 4 They would encamp against them and devour the produce of the land, as far as Gaza, and leave no sustenance in Israel and no sheep or ox or donkey. 5 For they would come up with their livestock and their tents; they would come like locusts in number--both they and their camels could not be counted--so that they laid waste the land as they came in. 6 And Israel was brought very low because of Midian. And the people of Israel cried out for help to the LORD. 7 When the people of Israel cried out to the LORD on account of the Midianites, - Jdg 6:1-7 ESV

AS we see, all of Israel is trembling before the invaders. They hid in the caves up in the cliffs. This left their cities and their fields defenseless against the invading hoard. Their livestock was stolen; their crops were destroyed and their villages plundered. All of Israel was living in fear. Then we learn of a man who God chose to be their rescuer. He was not any different than most of the others in Israel at the time. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

As we meet Gideon, he is doing what all the men of Israel seem to be doing. He is not in a cave. He is hiding inside in a wine press trying to grind enough grain to feed his family. He is not being David, charging out to face a giant. He too is hiding. This makes the next verse really astounding to me. An angel comes to call Gideon out of his hiding spot, into service, into battle. 11 Now the angel of the LORD came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. - Jdg 6:11 ESV

We live in challenging times. We see even the most respected ministry leaders fall into failure. They are falling hard and fast it seems. These ministry leaders, when caught double down on their position as being appointed by God and failing to submit to discipline or accountability. I have heard it said before that it is difficult for pastors to be accountable in their Churches without creating scandal. Pastors have a tough time being vulnerable because they carry a higher expectation of holiness in their lives, but an unrealistic understanding of holiness is. Part of the problem is the expectations they place upon themselves, and another part is the expectations the congregation place on them. There is no safe place for them to talk about their frailties and their failures. Leaders are people and many of their problems arise when they try to carry the weight of their responsibility on their own shoulders. Pastors can be like Gideon and go into hiding when they fail or even when they are tempted.

I am mentioning this because I have been praying a lot about the boys in San Lucas. I love them like they are my own. There is nothing I would not give up for them. My only desire is that they grow up feeling loved and secure so that they can come to a place where it is easy to receive the love of the Father. That is greatest desire of my life currently. I want to model love to them in a way that the Father’s love makes sense to them. I would like to say that I always get that right. But there are times I really blow it, not because I do not love them, but because I hold back. I let my own fears, insecurities, weakness, and sin come between me and them. The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about those things lately and He is bringing into greater clarity what it is that He is changing in my life.

The other day, at 2 a.m. I got up to go to the bathroom and that is not uncommon, but I usually am back to sleep 2 minutes later. That morning, I could not go back to sleep. The Lord was showing me my heart. He told me that our heart is supposed to be like a sponge just waiting to be saturated with His love. We are to soak it up, to drink it in until His love cannot be contained anymore. It just leaks out, like a saturated sponge. He has been pouring love out on me, but I have been keeping it at arm’s length. It could not saturate my heart because I kept it at bay. I wanted to experience desperately, but just like human love, I did not trust it. I always have felt like the moment you surrender to love; the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, so it is better to keep your distance. Of course this has led to all kinds of problems. I see how it has stifled me emotionally. It has caused me to keep my connections to people shallow. That is not a good place to show love from.

Love requires us to become vulnerable. I have often written about things that I struggle with, but the Lord is showing me that this has been at the heart of it all. Not trusting and allowing love to take residence in the deepest parts of our heart always keeps us shallow in ministry. It makes us ineffective because the Kingdom cannot flow through that block we set in place. Several years ago, I was in mission’s school in Mexico, and the Lord showed me a picture. I was looking into a well, a well that was full all the way to the surface. There were 2 levels of stone creating a protective ring around the top of the well. He told me that the well was my heart. He had filled it to nearly overflowing with good, pure, clean water, but I had put a protective barrier around it to keep the water from getting contaminated and to hoard it for myself. The result was that everything around the well was dry, even though there was plenty of water in the well to meet every need. He called me to tear down the protective blocks and let the water flow. He showed me that the picture was the same fountain that is in Eze 47.

1 Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. 2 Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side. 3 Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep. 4 Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep. 5 Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through. 6 And he said to me, "Son of man, have you seen this?" Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7 As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side and on the other. 8 And he said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, and enters the sea; when the water flows into the sea, the water will become fresh. 9 And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh; so everything will live where the river goes. - Eze 47:1-9 ESV

This river is the well that the Lord has placed inside us. It is full and waiting to overflow to bring live wherever it goes. It is inside us. We are the guardians of the well that feeds the river. Unfortunately, we build walls around it for our own purposes. For me, it is mostly because I am my own hardest critic. I do not like to talk about what is going on inside me because that opens the door to pain. I see it magnifying shame. Far too often I see it keeping love at arm’s length, so I do not get hurt.

The Lord is asking me how I can possibly show love to the boys if I do not let it flow into and through me. It is the river of His love that brings His love through us to the broken hurting world. It is time to have a heart so saturated with His love that it oozes out. It will fill everything it touches. They boys will know that kind of love when I live in it and model it for them every opportunity I get. It is only as the Lord fills me that I have anything to give. Far too often, I try to live from my own reserves and that is fruitless and only leads to feelings of failure and weakness. It is not the place Holy Spirit can flow to others from.

The purpose of writing all of this is because I have seen the posts from the men of Families of Faith in Channahon. The Lord is doing some remarkable things as they gather and talk about the things the Lord is doing in their lives. I am hearing stories of newfound strength and faith, healing, and deliverance from bondage. I believe that it is time that there is something like this for people in ministry. We need a safe place to process our failures, our shame, the lies the enemy has trapped us in. We need a place where we can hear the angel say, 12 And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, "The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor." - Jdg 6:12 ESV

Your call is real. The Lord knows who you are. He sees you, (and me) He planned our purpose in life long before we were conceived. Our failure is not part of His plan, but our utter dependence on Him is and that will only happen when we get together and talk about our struggles, when we get real with others on ministry to encourage each other, to hold one another accountable and to help each other fulfill God’s call. We are not separate believers or ministers. We are called to unity and oneness in Jesus. The bast way to do that is to grow together.

I am looking for 2 or 3 pastors, ministry leaders, elders, or missionaries to come together and begin the conversation about where we begin to build a group of leaders who need support, encouragement, and accountability. Unfortunately, this type of ministry works best when they are gender exclusive, separate groups for men and women so that conversations can be more frank and free. We need each other if we are going to stand before the Lord someday without shame and with lots of fruit to present to Him

                                                 Clothed in Filthy Garments

1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. 2 And the LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, O Satan! The LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?" 3 Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. 4 And the angel said to those who were standing before him, "Remove the filthy garments from him." And to him he said, "Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments." 5 And I said, "Let them put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the LORD was standing by. 6 And the angel of the LORD solemnly assured Joshua, 7 "Thus says the LORD of hosts: If you will walk in my ways and keep my charge, then you shall rule my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you the right of access among those who are standing here. - Zec 3:1-7 ESV

This Joshua was the son of Jehozadak after the restoration of Israel from the Babylonian and Assyrian captivity. They were restoring the walls of the city and the Temple. He would be the priest who was charged with resuming the sacrifices. It was a big deal to be the high priest, especially in a Jerusalem that was being restored and rebuilt after 70 years without sacrifices. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. AS we know, there were many corrupt high priests before the captivity that did not serve to guard the integrity or well being of Israel or Judah. Joshua was chosen to be the one to set the tone of the faith life of Israel as they came out of the shame of being judged and overthrown.

As the story opens, Joshua is in front of the throne of God and Satan is at the Lord’s right side to accuse him. He is the accuser of the brethren. 9 And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world--he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. 10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. - Rev 12:9-10 ESV The Lord knew that the only reason Satan was there in that moment was to accuse Joshua. It was what he did. Joshua had come in with baggage. That made him an easy target. But the Lord had a plan.

Before the conversation even began, we hear Him say, “The Lord rebuke you oh Satan.” He then goes on to point out that Joshua was to be a firebrand, carrying the torch of the Lord to the people of Israel. Joshua was in filthy clothes. He probably felt completely undone in the presence of a pure and holy God. It wouldn’t take too many words of condemnation to undermine what the Lord was about to do with him. The Lord shut Satan down immediately. Joshua did not need to be told that he was covered with filthy clothes. He was already aware of his condition.

Instead of hearing “how dare you come in here so dirty? Have you no respect for God or decency?” Joshua heard the Lord give the command to strip of the filthy clothes and put on clean, new, royal clothes on Him. These are also the words we hear as a promise in Rev 3 for the one who conquers. 5 The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. - Rev 3:5 ESV

The devil did not want to accuse Joshua before the Lord because he thought that the Lord wouldn’t know. He wanted to make sure that Joshua heard the demoralizing, disqualifying words that would keep him from stepping into the Lord’s plans. The Lord already knew Joshua’s condition when he was chosen to be the new high priest. He was not worried about where Joshua had been. He qualified him for where He was leading Joshua to go and what He called Joshua to be.

Maybe you are struggling with feeling defeated, discouraged and disqualified. That is pretty common. We live in a world that is trying to destroy every good thing God has placed in us and magnify ever fault, failure and flaw. The world and Satan will stand close and point out every wrong thing we have ever done and use it repeatedly as long as he has an audience. It is really easy to listen to because everything he says about us is anchored in the old, fallen nature. Even though we sometimes fall into the trap of living like we were never saved at times, it isn’t true. When we have surrendered our lives to Jesus, He makes us new. Our old self may flare up at times, but it is not who we are.

We may feel like Peter. Jesus told him that he was going to be sifted and that he would fall. Peter did not believe him, but he did fall. Jesus then told him that when he turned back to the Lord, he was given the assignment to strengthen the brothers.

31 "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." 33 Peter said to him, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death." 34 Jesus said, "I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me." - Luk 22:31-34

Joshua was the high priest, the intermediary between God and Man in his day. He was given great authority in Israel, yet his clothes were filthy. Peter was a disciple, one of only 3 to go with Jesus when He would withdraw. Peter had more access to Jesus than any other disciple, yet he was rebuked by Jesus for his arrogance, crushed by Jesus when he was told he would deny Jesus 3 times in one evening, and rebuked by Paul for his inconsistencies with the Gentile believers. David tells us the God knew us before the foundation of the world, that He had plans for us before we occupied our mother’s womb. Jesus knows what you are called to, who He has called you to be. He has called you to be a saint, a holy one, a little Christ. He knows about every chink in your armor. He is aware of every time you have fallen short and every time you have been outright rebellious against Him. He has a plan to remedy that. The cross was the ultimate revelation of that plan. He took all of our junk upon Himself because it could not corrupt Him. Then He carried it to the cross, in great agony and He left it in the pit, where we are eternally separated from our guilt. Then He arose and gave us His life.

Our feelings of disqualification, even though root in a truth, are not the truth about us, because from the cross, Jesus screamed a greater truth. Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. We are blind. We are foolish at times and easily fall into temptation, but those things no longer define us. As the devil is standing waiting at the Father’s right hand to accuse us, he hears, “The Lord rebuke you Satan.” His fate is sealed. He is cast down from heaven and cursed to wander the earth until he is bound hand and foot and tossed into the pit. His half truths and accusations no longer have a place to land in the Father an, if we confess our sins to Jesus and repent, they lose their landing spot in us too. We have been stripped of our old filthy clothes and been dressed in clean, new clothes that honor the Lord and prepare us to stand before Him clean.

Today, if you feel unclean and disqualified, I encourage you to spend some time reading about Joshua in Zech 3 and Peter in Lk 22. Let their stories encourage you. The Lord knows your weaknesses and failures. He is calling you anyway. He is offering you clean new clothes. He is silencing the accuser so you can He Him more clearly. It is His will that none should perish. 7 But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly. 8 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. - 2Pe 3:7-9 ESV

Jesus is still withholding judgment in His mercy. It is still His will that you would repent and be in right relationship with Him. It is also His will that you would take what had been failures and allow Him to turn them into your story of redemption and restoration. He knows the accusations and is still offering to strip your old filthy clothes off you and dress you in His royal robes. You are loved beyond measure and way beyond your failures and shortcomings. Just ask Jesus to stand in His presence and allow Him to remove the filth and clothe you in His righteousness. He will transform you and make you new.

 

 

Who Am I

 No Longer a Slave to Fear

As I was reading this morning I was struck by several things. I want to first share with you what I was reading and then encourage you to read these passages yourself. They are Rom 4:6-10, Luke 20 and Ps 32. Each one of these passages had some profound insights for me. The song above was what the Lord brough to mind as I pondered the verses I was reading.

Rom 4:6-10 is Paul talking about how Abraham was justified by faith. Abraham didn't just believe what God said to and about him, but he walked towards it. He didn't let what his eyes saw, and the doubts his mind whispered turn him away from what God had promised him. My friend George Sisneros did an excellent job covering this yesterday in his blog Covered In His Dust. Follow the link to read it. The verses I read were just a few verses before what he wrote.

I realized that far too often, I place my identity in what I do and what I believe about myself. These verses point us to an active, involved, obedient faith that makes us righteous. Our faith is not a passive thing. We don't just acquiesce to a vague thing. We give ourselves fully to what God says is true about us. As we trust Him to bring our identity in line with His truth, He changes us and fulfills His purpose for us at the same time.  Abraham had to live many yeas with the name, Father of Many and then 25 more years with the name Father of Many Nations all while he remained childless. He tried to take matters into His own hands and make it happened, but that took him outside of the Lord's will. It didn't change his identity or his name. Even after he messed up, he kept believing God would fulfill his purposes. Abraham was 100 years old and Sarah 90 when God answered his prayers and began to fulfill his destiny. But, His identity had been fixed since birth, when he was born to pagan parents. Abraham was righteous because He believed God, even when believing was difficult, nearly impossible.

Then I move into Luke 20. Jesus was teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath and He was challenged by all the religious leaders. They hated that they were losing their place in the Kingdom to a carpenter, a tax collector and some fishermen. They challenged Jesus' authority but we know that Jesus also taught with wisdom beyond His years. 46 After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. - Luk 2:46-47 ESV Jesus was hated by those who were being displaced as a new Kingdom was beginning to rub up against the one they thought they were in control of. As you read the chapter, you see that Jesus did not back down from the Pharisees or after from the Sadducees. He exposed both groups of religious leaders for the frauds they had become, while He was seen by many for who He was. Jesus did not let those who didn't know Him become the ones who defined Him. Jesus was secure in the identity the Father had given Him before the foundation of the world.

As I continued on into Ps 32, I see David clinging to the Lord's identity for him. David was well aware of his failures and suffered greatly with them. What kept him was that he also knew that the Lord had not rejected him or left him to rot in shame with the wicked. To David, the Lord was his rescuer, the one who set him apart from the sinful men. Just like Abraham, he had a sense of identity that superseded his failures. David would regularly throw himself onto the merch of the Lord and trust Him to deliver.

For me, all these thing spoke a new sense of identity this morning. Far too often, I let people that don't know me speak a false identity into me. I let my failures drive me into hiding and shame. I have spent way too much time deriving my identity from accomplishments or knowledge. I have let me failures plunge me into a defeatist mindset rather than run to Jesus, our rock and refuge. When I fall into these mindset traps, I see other people's successes much easier and begin to compare my failures with their success. This just reinforces the defeatist mindset. As I let myself be victimized by my own mindset, I feel distant from the Lord.

Jesus never had a failure, but He perfectly know how to shut down the enemy when His identity came under attack. We are more like David. We have hole in our armor. We have real weaknesses to attack, but we need to know how to sit in the promises God has spoken over our lives. We need to let His spoken identity in our lives become the one we embrace. We need to hide in the strong tower that is Jesus until the enemies fiery darts are quenched. Jesus has spoken and identity over us. He set it in motion before the foundation of the world. He knew us before we even formed.

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. - Psa 139:13-18 ESV

As  was reading this morning, I was convicted of how often I let my identity rest in what other people have said, in lies I have internalized and in emotions that have felt true but contradicted what the Lord has said. I am praying today to hear the Lord clearly, to let His promises and spoken identity purify and cleans the identities that I have held on to. I am asking Him to replace the lies with His truth. I know I can run to Him but have so often run away from Him in fear of His holiness until I can feel like I have gotten things right. I have let performance and failure shape my identity. This is the time to get real with the Lord. I know that I can never live up to His standards on my own. Now I have to hold fast to this verse from Rom 5.

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. - Rom 5:6-9 ESV

When I feel weak, when I feel defeated, when I have fallen hard and feel hopeless, no matter how low I feel, I am right there in the place where I can claim that Christ died for the ungodly. The worst case scenario is that I have to humble myself and run to Jesus, because He died for the ungodly. I can't be much worse than that. In times of defeat, I call out to Jesus as the ungodly man that Jesus died for and I repent. That is the plan. That is the purpose of the cross because every time we run back to him in our sin and failure and repent, we find that who we are is no longer who He calls us. We recognize and acknowledge our ungodly behavior, feelings, emotions and reactions and that is where He picks us up and speaks His new identity into us and begins to sanctify us and our identity. He renews and restores all that the enemy has stolen from us. He makes us new. He cleanses our desires and purifies us. He moves us back into alignment with His will.

When I am feeling defeated and under shame, it is the perfect time to run back to the Father and let Him renew our minds and speak identity into us again, even if we have had to run back to Him numerous times.