Love Is Patience

When I look back at my life, I find that I have not been a very patient person. It is a fruit that seems lacking in my life. When I see things that seem intentionally wrong, or out of place, it irritates me. When people are too hard to deal with, I get frustrated easily and it shows, even when I try to hide it. When I have hard conversations and my voice begins to rise in pitch, I am beginning to lose the battle of impatience and frustration. This really bugs me. This has led me more than once to replay these scenes over in my head and conclude that I am just not patient.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. - Gal 5:22-23 ESV

As I have been parked on the verses from Gal 5:22-23, I have repeatedly had to meditate on this and pray about the apparent contradiction between my beliefs and my actions. The more I dig into the idea of the fruit of the Spirit being a singular thing, love, the more I realize what I have been missing. I see the lies I have been living under. I see that love is the basis for everything else listed in these verses. They are only the reasonable outcome of love. What I had not seen is that we cannot produce love. It is not in us except through Jesus. That means we can only receive love and let it wash over us and flow through us.

Patience then is a result of having been loved well. Unfortunately, I like many others, have held love at arm’s length and treated it with a bit of skepticism and mistrust. In my mind, I know that Jesus loves me. I understand that He died so I could be in right relationship to Him. I also have spent much time pondering how often I have blown it and allowed shame to keep me from fully allowing His love to embrace me. I dealt with forms of self-rejection that kept me from being fully caught up in His love. I am not writing this because I want you all to feel bad for me or think I am an awful human being. I am writing because I believe that much of the Christian community spends way too much time trying to cover our shame and bury our guilt. We put on masks of acceptability to hide our shame and fear exposure. That fear of exposure drives much of our daily lives. We dare not let the mask slip or we are finished.

This attempt to cover our shame is at the heart of our impatience. Our world only works when we can maintain control and anything beyond our control stresses us. We are impatient because we have not allowed the love of Jesus to come into our shame and fill the voids in our lives. We all have needs. We all have weaknesses that we would rather not face up to. We compartmentalize our lives and have rooms we keep Jesus and people from looking into. These rooms are strongholds we keep in place because hiding seems to be the most logical response to shame. Jesus wants access to those rooms so He, in His love and wisdom can change us, can set us free. It is not until we allow Him into these hidden corners of guilt and shame that we can fully experience His love in a way that patience can be produced in us. Patience starts with trust and transparency, both things that I have struggled with.

Unfortunately, this hiding is the same place that the occult takes hold in us. The word means hidden or secret. We usually apply it to secret knowledge, but I suspect it goes beyond hidden knowledge to a hidden self. It is when we remain hidden that the enemy can run freely through our lives. He can keep s in a cycle of failure, shame, confession, and failure. This cycle repeats until the shame is exposed. The stronghold of the occult does not begin with practicing witchcraft. It begins with choosing to not allow truth to expose our sins and guilt. It comes from hiding significant parts of ourselves. This cuts us off from receiving the only thing that can free us, the ever-extended love of Jesus that will come and clean out all the guilt and shame that we keep hidden away from public viewing.

I do not need more patience. That is just the outcome of receiving what I need. I need to allow the love of Jesus to have free access, to love me in the most broken places. As I am loved in those places, control will not be so important. I can allow people to be free to be themselves. When I am free, patience is easy. It does not require me to bite my lip, only to operate as a dam that has a full reservoir of love behind it waiting to be released. Jesus has already filled the reservoir. I only must open the floodgates; you cannot love or let His love flow through you until it overwhelms everything else and be impatient at the same time. It is not possible to look at people while being full of love and hold onto your own inconveniences or frustrations with them.

Impatience is rooted in our own guilt and shame. It is antithetical to being loved. I am now asking Jesus to show me where I have not allowed His love to break down the walls of shame and guilt, rather than asking for more patience. I cannot produce love or patience in me. I can only trust His goodness and mercy to penetrate the broken places that want to remain hidden and set me free to receive. Abiding requires trust and trust is only born in hope. I believe that Jesus is reprogramming us to be His representatives of love in these last days. The world needs Jesus and we need to be full of Him. We need to have the hidden places in us exposed to be able to carry Jesus to those in need. We don’t need more striving. We need freedom, hope and love. That is what patience looks like.

Today, if you feel like you need more patience, I ask you to join me in praying this. “Jesus, I have places in my life that bring me shame when I think of them. I have tried to cover them and wear a mask of respectability, but I am broken. I need your love to penetrate the hidden places in my life. I give you full permission to enter every broken place with your love to displace the lies and set me free to receive so I can be an empty vessel for You to fill. I ask that you overwhelm me with your love until the floodgates cannot hold it back anymore. Fill my love reservoir until you seep out of every part of my being and people are brough into contact with Your freeing love. Jesus, make me confident in the goodness of Your love for me and let it flow to others.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGfiKwgsoOc  Jesus is the Answer, Andre Crouch

Here is a picture of what Jesus wants to do in us and through us to bring freedom and transformation to the wors around us. Part of that is bringing us to maturity in His love and letting the fruit of His Spirit flow through us to the nations. You can read it here in Ezekiel and again at the very end of Revelation.

1 Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. 2 Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side. 3 Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep. 4 Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep. 5 Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through. 6 And he said to me, "Son of man, have you seen this?" Then he led me back to the bank of the river. 7 As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side and on the other. 8 And he said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, and enters the sea; when the water flows into the sea, the water will become fresh. 9 And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live, and there will be very many fish. For this water goes there, that the waters of the sea may become fresh; so everything will live where the river goes. 10 Fishermen will stand beside the sea. From Engedi to Eneglaim it will be a place for the spreading of nets. Its fish will be of very many kinds, like the fish of the Great Sea. 11 But its swamps and marshes will not become fresh; they are to be left for salt. 12 And on the banks, on both sides of the river, there will grow all kinds of trees for food. Their leaves will not wither, nor their fruit fail, but they will bear fresh fruit every month, because the water for them flows from the sanctuary. Their fruit will be for food, and their leaves for healing." - Eze 47:1-12 ESV

These verses are a promise of the work that Jesus is going to finish through the Church, His Bride, His Temple before He returns. Revelation 22:1-5 is just the picture of the fulfillment of the promise. Philippians 1:6 shows where we fit into the whole thing. We are a part of God fulfilling his plan. He will fill us with His love until it flows out of us, to the nations and brings, life, healing, and freedom to them.

Joy is the Outcome of Love Received

 

The last time I wrote, I introduced joy and its connection to love and how it is often born out of moments of despair. Today, I want to expand on that a bit. It is easy to feel moments of happiness when everything seems to come together exactly right for us, but joy comes from a different place and is produced in a much more profound way, which will impact everything in our lives. Joy is birthed in us, out of the heart of God for us.

15 Simon Peter followed Jesus, and so did another disciple. Since that disciple was known to the high priest, he entered with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest, 16 but Peter stood outside at the door. So, the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out and spoke to the servant girl who kept watch at the door, and brought Peter in. 17 The servant girl at the door said to Peter, "You also are not one of this man's disciples, are you?" He said, "I am not." - Jhn 18:15-17 ESV

25 Now Simon Peter was standing and warming himself. So, they said to him, "You also are not one of his disciples, are you?" He denied it and said, "I am not." 26 One of the servants of the high priest, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, asked, "Did I not see you in the garden with him?" 27 Peter again denied it, and at once a rooster crowed. - Jhn 18:25-27 ESV

There was something here that I never noticed before. In other Gospels we see that they assumed Peter was with Jesus. The servant girls in the other Gospels pointed out Peter as a follower of Jesus, but here, in John it is 2 people who had personal knowledge of Peter’s relationship with Jesus. First, it was another disciple who wanted Peter to come in with him, so he pointed Peter out. Second, it was a relative of Malchus, the man whose ear Peter cut off. This man had watched his relative’s ear both get cut off by Peter and restored by Jesus. He was an eyewitness to Peter’s presence in the garden with Jesus.

Peter denied his relationship with Jesus even though 2 people who clearly know they were together pointed him out. Peter’s denial led him to days of despair. He knew that he had done the one thing he swore that he would never do. He had just told Jesus that same night that he would die with Him before he betrayed Him. What Peter did was even more wretched than he could have imagined because Jesus had told Him that it would happen. Jesus knew that for all His bravado, Peter was a coward, a weak insecure man, at heart. Peter thought that He was a lot better friend of Jesus than he was.

How often does this describe us? How many times have I given the expedient answer rather than risk sharing the truth? How many times have I not said the thing that I absolutely knew needed to be said in the moment because someone would be offended, or have their feelings hurt. There are times when the Lord wants to speak truth, even though it will cut like a knife to the ore of the one hearing. The reality is that many times a person does not turn to Jesus just because nobody had the courage to point them to the truth. We all have sinned. We all are in need of a Savior. We all have skeletons in our closet that haunt us. We have denied Jesus in the very moment He wanted to bring someone into victory. Every single one of us has blown it in some significant ways.

That is what makes John 21 so profound for us. It is deep and it cuts past all the baggage we carry. Jesus tells us just like He did Peter, that He knew what was coming and He was not caught off guard by our failure. Not only did Jesus know what Peter would do, but before the crucifixion, He already had a plan for Peter’s restoration.

15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs." 16 He said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep." 17 He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep. 18 Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go." 19 (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, "Follow me." - Jhn 21:15-19 ESV

This is a passage where you really must get into the text. I always need something like Blue Letter Bible to help me sort it out. In the first two questions, Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. (agapeo) Peter’s answer was not yes, as many assume. He told Jesus that he loved (Phileo) Him. That is not the answer to the question Jesus asked. Finally, the third time Jesus asked Peter if he really had a brotherly love for Him. That was what Peter had claimed the first two times. In the past, Peter had always used superlatives when referring to Jesus, like some people, they call everyone their BFF though by definition, you cannot have two BFF’s. That claim is exclusive. Best means that none other is higher or even equal. Peter presented himself as the disciple above all others. Jesus, I will die with you. They will not take you to the cross on my watch. Jesus, I have your back. I am sure Peter was himself in this way when he was speaking, but when it came time to back it up, he fell hard. It was like watching LeBron James get air bumped by a guy ½ his size. He hit the floor hard and flopping around like an Asian Carp thrown on the riverbank. Peter had failed at the greatest test he faced, one he was sure he would pass with flying colors.

Have you failed Jesus in some spectacular way? I would bet that you are like the rest of us. There is that thing that we swore would never trip us up again, and before we got the words out, we were falling. The truth is that it is easy to put our confidence in our ability to figure this out, to prepare for the test we think is coming. We plan and we prepare, then the test comes and we are picking ourselves up off the floor again. We are like Peter, but with our own issues that seem to keep coming back around to torment us.

This fall was the beginning of Peter’s success as a disciple. It was not until Peter had faced up to his own frailties and proclivities to sin, that he made room for the Holy Spirit to work through him. When we are self-confident and trust in our own abilities to put it all together, there is no room for Holy Spirit to occupy in us. We cannot run the show and trust that Holy Spirit will direct remotely. We must step away from the director’s chair and allow Him to lead and direct. It is only when we realize how little we have to offer that we can step into His power and authority. It was only as Peter learned that he did not have everything that he needed to do what Jesus commanded that he could step outside of himself and receive what he lacked.

8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. 10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. 11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. - Psa 16:8-11 ESV

It is only as we learn the depth of our need that we can fully receive the offer of His love. It is only when we understand that we really bring nothing to the table that we can learn to feast on His bounty. Jesus offers us all we need, but we cannot get to it until we get out of His way. He desires to use us and even our efforts, but He cannot until He is the one who directs and empowers them. When we learn that Jesus has selected us. Out of His goodness and not for our ability that we can begin to rejoice in our weakness. We must fall and fail so that He can raise us up in newness of life, and in His power. It is only in understanding our great need that we make room for His love to come in and His love and presence are our source of joy.

 Our joy is the outcome, the fruit of making room for Him and not trying to produce our own fruit. His love must flow through us to produce fruit and that will bring extraordinary joy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YKOJxnYjUY

 

Disappointment and the Seeds of Joy

 Disappointment and the Seeds of Joy

8 But what does it say? "THE WORD IS NEAR YOU, IN YOUR MOUTH AND IN YOUR HEART"--that is, the word of faith which we are preaching, 9 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus [as] Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, "WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED." - Rom 10:8-11 NASB95

The last time I wrote, I wrote about how all the fruit of the spirit is one thing. It is a form of love. Today, I am going to go down a bit of a rabbit trail and talk about disappointment because it is integral to understanding, how love and joy are equated. I pray that you will stick with me for a while as I write these next few installments, but especially today.

As I was out mowing this morning, I was thinking about the recent events in my life. While the Lord has been faithful and He is restoring my body, I had plans for this year, things I wanted to do, people I wanted to spend time with, places I wanted to go. As a result of the stroke, needless to say, my time has become occupied with other things, none of which I had scheduled into my plans. As the year is winding down and I am still struggling to figure out how I am going to bring together everything I need to fulfill my plans for the year, I have faced disappointment. Not only has my health slowed down my ability to go, but it has also caused a drying up of funds. Even if I could safely travel right now. I couldn’t financially do it. This is a first. I cannot remember a time when God did not provide all the funds I needed, when I needed them to go and do the things He put on my heart. As a result, I have learned to buy plane tickets when it was all the funds I had at the moment and He always provided more than abundantly for everything else.

This summer, I really wanted to spend birthdays with 4 of the boys in Guatemala. I really miss them. They are some of my favorite people to spend time with, but God slowed me down. They are right in the middle of some pretty big transitions right now and I wanted to be with them as they go through them. Not only have I now missed 3 of the 4 birthdays, but I spent one of them in the hospital. Disappointment was setting in. As I mowed this morning and was listening to a Tony Evans podcast, the Lord started speaking to me through His message. He was speaking about our hopes and dreams and how often we pin our desires to luck. “Wish me luck.” He pointed me back to the sovereignty of God. There is a plan. God knows what it is.  He created it for us to fulfill our God given dreams and purposes, but He does not consult with us on how to get us there. He pointed us to providence, the hand of God, doing the work of God, in the ways of God, by the means of God in our lives.

I know that God is at work, even in the delays and setbacks but I need to step outside of myself and ask Jesus to show me where He is working in me to accomplish His purposes in me. It is those who trust in Him who will not be put to shame. When I make my plans and they fail, despite my best efforts, I am put to shame. I have made promises I couldn’t keep. My weaknesses and inability are on full display.

God has not put a heart in me for a houseful of young men in Guatemala to let them down or to expose my failures. He has given me a heart for them because His greatest desire is that they know a Father’s heart, one that will never fail them or abandon them. His desire for them is that they would know Him as the perfect Father, who always loves them, is always supporting them. He has a great plan for their lives. I am not saying this in a Joel Osteen sort of way to make God more attractive to the masses. I am saying this from the heart of a Good Father for the Children He greatly loves and desires to have fellowship with.

I believe that the boys in San Lucas can change a nation if they know who they are in Jesus. I do not believe they are only victims of poor family decisions and a broken government system. I believe the Lord has a call on their lives to make Guatemala something much different, much better than the country they are growing up in. I believe that the Lord, in His sovereignty and by His providence has put them in a place where He can speak His identity into them. For that they He does not need me. Holy Spirit can do far more in their lives than I can. I am just blessed enough to have gotten to be one of the instruments He has chosen to regularly remind them that they are loved. He doesn’t need me, but He has privileged me to be able to tell them countless times, and I cannot wait for the day I get to tell them again face to face. My love for them is real, but only because it is rooted in His love for me and for them.

My disappointment has been because I want to live my life in my timing, but the reality is that I know the Lord is moving the chess pieces around the board to bring things together in ways that I could never have planned. I know that when I go next time, He is going to reveal His love in ways I could never have imagined. This though brings me immense joy and great hope for them. They are facing a difficult transition. I have been delayed so I could not been there in my ideal timeframe, but it is all for God’s greater purpose. He loves every boy, young man in that house far more than I ever could and He won’t let me step on His plans for them. The door is still open, and He is still inviting me to walk with Him for His next great act in their lives. I don’t know when He will take me back to San Lucas, but I am going to keep my eyes on Him. The disappointment that comes from following my own plans is too heavy. The joy that comes from seeing His plan come together is too much to miss out on.

22 For those blessed by Him will inherit the land, But those cursed by Him will be cut off. 23 The steps of a man are established by the LORD, And He delights in his way. 24 When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. 25 I have been young and now I am old, Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread. - Psa 37:22-25 NASB95

My prayer is that each of the boys in San Lucas would know the Lord in this way. David started out a lowly shepherd, but He became a rich and powerful king because he knew the Lord and He did not fear His plans. David was not perfect, but He walked with the Lord and God took him way father than a shepherd boy could ever dream. I believe there are Davids, Joshuas, and Daniels living in that house in San Lucas and before my days end here, I am going to tell you their story, of how the Lord took ordinary boys who grew up in difficult circumstances and changed their nation.

The Calendar Is Running Out

 Today, I was able to mow for the first time in three weeks. It felt great to get back to a normal routine and just feel like life is going on, regardless of the incidents a couple weeks ago. As I was mowing, the thought hit me that the last time I mowed could have been the last time I ever did it since I was hospitalized just a couple days later. As happens, one thought led to another and I started thinking about lasts. If I know you, have spent time with you, there will be a last time that we talk in this life. I have no clue as to when that may be, but both of us were born with a limited number of days. Our calendars have been counting our days down since birth. As David said

15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. - Psa 139:15-16 ESV

12 So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. - Psa 90:12 ESV

Before we were born, the Lord planned the length of our life. It will not continue on forever on this earth. It will come to an end, by God's design. Therefore David reminds us to number our days, to live as if tomorrow is not guaranteed. That will cause us to begin to live a bit more wisely in our decisions. Remembering that the ending matters, we will live to make it a good one, a planned departure, not something that catches us off guard. We will be wise in how we leave things in our relationships.

This started for me as a rabbit trail from our Sunday morning group discussion two weeks ago, right after the stroke. We were talking about the fruit of the Spirit. A thought hit me and I have not been able to work through it completely yet, but it is related to this and it comes from two different places. I am hoping to write in much more depth about it soon,

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. - Gal 5:22-23 ESV

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - 1Co 13:1-13 ESV

I have always read the Gal 5 verses as  list of fruit, but the first thing I notice now is that it is not a list. It is singular. The fruit of the Spirit is love! All that follows in just a list of synonyms and descriptors for love. If you read these verses side by side with 1 Cor 13, you will see what I mean. The love is verses look very similar to the fruit. What this means to me, is that I have spent a lot of time thinking I was an impatient person and that really messed with me. I prayed for patience, but it didn't seem to come. Today, I am realizing that patience is just a manifestation of love in me and I cannot create, or generate love. I can only receive it and then let what the Lord has put in me come out.

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. - 1Jo 4:7-21 ESV

Love is the fruit of the Spirit and as we position ourselves to receive His love, He freely and gladly pours it in. I realized that I often do not position myself to receive. Love creates vulnerability and it requires trust to receive. I have often kept the Lord at arms length when He wants to fill me with love, because I know that His love will make me more like Him and that moves us into a position of laying our lives down for others. There is not selfishness in love, but I experience selfishness in me plenty of times. I don't need more joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or self control. I just need to be full of the love of Jesus and every one of those things will begin to show His life and love in me, just as the sap flows through the trunk and nourishes the trees, to produce fruit, His love nourishes us and produces godly fruit in our lives. As we lay down our lives out of love for others, they become the seed of a new generation to grow in the love of Jesus. We prepare the soil of our heart to receive and then Jesus produces life in us. His love is the nourishment that overfills us an spills out to others. It will look like the answer to their need in the moment.

The reality is that I don't need to become anymore of the things that follow love in Gal 5. I just need to allow myself to be loved more freely by Jesus and allow that to become the ground on which all of my relationships are built, Our calendars are getting shorter. Our days are running out. What do you want to be the last thing you  people remember about you. I know I want it to be that I really loved them well and that they saw Jesus through that love. Then, the fruit of the Spirit is truly manifest in me. Then when we part for the last time on this earth, it won't be for the last time. It will just be a pause in our relationship until Jesus reunites us.

Caught Off Guard

Have you been reading the bible for years/Do you get into familiar passages at times and just find yourself skimming over the familiar words rather than slowing down and sitting with them for a bit. After all Jesus said His words were Spirit and life. I don’t know about you, but I can always use some more spirit and life in me. As I read through John 11, a chapter that I feel like I have read hundreds of times, I was really amazed by what I have never noticed before, but carried a great meaning in the moment.

John 11:5-6 (ESV) 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

Did you see that? I have missed it numerous times. I have known that Jesus waited 2 more days after learning Lazarus was very sick before going to them. What really caught me was that it said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. He loved them and still He waited to go to them. It is easy when we are going through things to feel forgotten. Sometimes we pray for what we want and the answer does not come immediately. I think we need a new perspective, the one Jesus was bringing to Martha and her family. 

Martha did everything right. She sent word to Jesus. She expressed her fears and the need. She did exactly what we are supposed to do in a crisis. Still, Jesus let them feel the pain of death. He suffered with them. He didn’t let them suffer alone We see Jesus weeping on His way to the grave. Death always hurts but Jesus was showing them it isn’t the end. The more important message was that the resurrection is a person. They needed to know this before Jesus was crucified. They need to know that there is life after the grave and it is Jesus. He was preparing the way for them to be where He is. 

It is the lesson Isaiah had to learn. Ezekiel 37:1-7 (ESV) 1 The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. 2 And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. 3 And he said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord GOD, you know.” 4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. 5 Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. 6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD.” 7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone.

When it feels like the Lord is not answering us, we need to remind ourselves of these two stories. Jesus is at work. He is bringing life. He has not forgotten us. He has a plan and He is bringing it to fruition in our lives. If we will submit to Him and praise Him in the midst of the trial, He will reveal His life to us and in us through the thing we must go through. There is no pointless trials in the Kingdom. They all serve to fulfill the Lord’s purpose in our lives. It is when we learn to quickly submit to Him on whatever path He leads us down that we can walk in peace and prosper in every way that He has for us. He is not just leading us into places of suffering. He is going ahead of us, preparing the way. He is leading us down a sometimes dark, and apparently dangerous path so we can see Him in the midst of live’s trials. He is teaching us to abide in Him, regardless of what we see.

The real question is are we going to trust Him when the way isn’t clear and the obstacles seem insurmountable.?

The purposes of God

 I wrote yesterday about having a stroke but now I want to share about God’s work in my life. For the last few weeks, you may have sensed that I have been feeling a bit of discontent with my Christian walk. The Lord has been making it clear to me that there are areas of my life that He has been actively working on changing and I have been resistant to change. He has shown me areas where I lack basic trust in His goodness to bring the transformation that He desires. This has hindered relationships with Him and the people in my life. That is probably the biggest reason for everything that is happening.

In frustration a few days ago, I finally prayed what I knew the Lord had been prompting me to pray all along. I asked that He would do whatever was necessary in my life to make me a clear reflection of Jesus to those around me. I know that many times there has been too much of me clouding what He wants to reveal of Himself through me. Our short earthly lives are too important to waste on building our own kingdoms and on accumulating the praise of people. This life will end and we cannot take anything with us except those  who come to know Jesus through the way we represent Him. My prayer is that everything of me that clouds the picture would be laid down at the cross.

Now I do not believe the Lord caused me to have a stroke, but I believe He allowed me to ask that whatever it takes to purify my heart and actions could take place. I believe this whole thing began with Him allowing me to feel the discontentment with a life with one foot anchored in the security of feeling at home in this world. He allowed this to help me realize that everything in the world is fleeting. There will come a day I can no longer build a kingdom centered around me so it might as well end now,

The reality is that there is a house full of boys in Guatemala that I love more than my own life. They have had many rough times, not because of their own choosing, but because other people have made bad life choices that have done great harm to them. I started to realize than any area in me that isn’t sanctified fully cannot clearly reveal the love of Jesus to them. My own insecurities would eventually cause them more pain and harm. That would crush me, to know all the love of Jesus available for them and then to misrepresent him in a way that made it harder for them to receive that love. Many of them have summer birthdays and I have already missed a couple. It is heartbreaking to not be able to celebrate with them. But, I know the Lord is a master builder and whatever He is doing in me will benefit them and in His timing, it will bring more good for them than if I were there right now.

I would not have chosen to have a stroke, but I am celebrating the work the Lord is doing in me so I can reflect Him better, to become the example He wants me to be to draw people to Himself through my life. I realize it is not all about me but about the work Jesus is doing to make me a fully useable instrument in His hands. Through this, my biggest prayer is that  houseful of young men in Guatemala would come to know the full depths of the love of Jesus for them and to know that He is for them no matter what the world has thrown at them that has brought them harm. He is purifying my ability to let His perfect love flow through me without picking up the pollution that  has  so often colored my love for them and everyone in my life.

As for the stroke, I learned years ago that God has a purpose for our lives. Cancer didn’t kill me 15 years ago when a doctor I really like thought I wouldn’t make it past 51. 10 years later I still have a purpose for being here and the stroke can’t stop or change His purpose or plan, if anything it can only bring clarity and move me closer to the fulfillment of God’s purposes in and through me. I don’t fear my long term prognosis. My days were numbered before I was born. I am praying that as long as I am breathing, I would be a useful instrument to point people to the love and goodness of Jesus. I must decrease and His work in me must increase.

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                                                                 Fear and Delight

9 And he charged them: "Thus you shall do in the fear of the LORD, in faithfulness, and with your whole heart: - 2Ch 19:9 ESV

28 And he said to man, 'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.'" - Job 28:28 ESV

11 Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. - Psa 34:11 ESV

10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! - Psa 111:10 ESV

7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. - Pro 1:7 ESV

5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. - Pro 2:5 ESV

Have you, like me struggled with this phrase, “The fear of the Lord?” For years I have grappled with this idea and have spent lots of time pondering all the things I have been taught about it. Mostly, what I have often been told is that the fear of the Lord is Awe as we look at His majesty. That made sense. If God is good and loving, what is there to fear? But that answer seems to not satisfy me or carry the intent of the authors. Or God in Job’s case. There has to be more.

The more time I spend with this concept, the more I feel like there is something really important missing in our understanding and I believe it is killing the Church today. When Dvid and Solomon talked about the fear of the Lord, it was the root of wisdom and knowledge. It is certainly meaningful to understand the awesome power and majesty of the Lord, but when we fall short of fear, we also fall short of respect for who He is. He is just and Holy. He will judge the world in righteousness. Someday we are going to stand before Him in judgment. We know that Jesus has saved us and has taken our judgment upon Himself. We know that He removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west, but unfortunately, we do not respect what it means that we will stand in judgment and that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter the Kingdom.

28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Mat 10:28 ESV

21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' - Mat 7:21-23 ESV

These should be a sobering thing to read. It is for this reason that I feel we have lost the fear of the Lord and often stumble around in folly. We know God is powerful. We know He is kind and gracious. He is love. But, if we miss that He is also perfectly righteous and perfectly holy, we will walk around in a false sense of security. It is the understanding of the fear of the Lord that keeps us mindful of who He is in every regard. It does make us confident in His love, but it also makes us leery of straying outside of Hs will, not because He is waiting for us to slip up so He can catch us, but because it requires being clothed in His righteousness to stand in His presence.

Our sin is always destructive. There is no way to continue life as usual and still abide in the presence of Jesus. It is only as we become aware of His absolute perfection that we understand what it is that we have been called to. I am not saying that if we sin, we are out. Obviously, Jesus, John and Paul had a lot to say about this. What I am saying is that once we lose the fear of the Lord, His majesty and His authority lose their place of awe in our conscious thinking. We walk in foolish ways that deny His power in our lives. We stop participating with Him in our sanctification. This is a dangerous place to live.

You ask me why I am writing about this, it is because I feel like I have spent too much time living in this cheap understanding of the fear of the Lord. I have not weighed many of my words and actions in the light of the fact that one day I will stand before a holy God and my actins will be judged. I have spent too much time living as if everything is good when often, it is not. The Lord has been challenging me on several false beliefs and assumptions that I have been living under. The reality is I have been living as if the grace of God was cheap and devaluing how costly it was. I have been living as if I don’t owe Jesus every breath I take and every effort I give.

The fear of the Lord is the only safe place to live, not because the Lord wants us living under the cloud of judgment every moment, but He does want us aware that we will stand before Him one day and we are going to hear one of two things. “Well done good and faithful servant, enter the joy of your Lord.” Or “Depart from me, I never knew you.” If we are in Christ, we will hear well done, but we cannot assume that we are not in Him if we are not living a life pleasing to Him. We may make it into Heaven, but at great peril of seeing everything that we are dragging with us consumed by the fire.  

10 According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. 11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-- 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only through fire. - 1Co 3:10-15 ESV

This is the greatest reason that I can think of to walk in the fear of the Lord. Everything that we give our lives too will be tested. It will have to survive the fire. If we build on the wrong foundation, or we build from our selfish desires, it will not survive the testing. We will be before the Lord empty handed, like the servant who received on coin from the hamster and then hid it so he wouldn’t lose it. He was cut off and his coin was given to another, along with the reward that was to be his for being faithful and diligent with what the Master had entrusted to him.

I have wasted too much time building my own kingdoms. I have experienced the Lord challenging the work I am doing, knowing that much of it will not pass the test of the fire. I am not saying that the Lord was not in any of the work I have done. Much of it was motivated and directed by Him. Unfortunately, much of the time I have had false and wrong motives. I have loved the people the Lord has brought into my life. I have immensely enjoyed the places He has led me. I have also let my motivation become human recognition, reputation, fear of man, fear of failure, attempts to earn love and honor. Those things will not survive the fire.  

What I am learning most though is that we cannot understand or receive the love of the Lord if we do not rightly understand the fear of the Lord. It is only when we understand the fear that we can receive this love, because we understand all He has done to show Himself faithful and trustworthy on our behalf. It is only when we truly understand what He can do that we can appreciate what He has done. We can receive His love because we can see it clearly, without the corruption of our natural sight.

I am getting tired of trying to earn what the Lord wants to freely give. I am tired of being under the pressure of my own failures and expectations. I want to live in a place where the love of the Lord flows freely between Him and me and that that love, with full recognition of His awesome might flow freely from me to others.

It is time to start living from this promise We can only begin when we understand all the reasons that we are to fear the Lord.

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. - Psa 37:3-6 ESV